Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Keeping Up with the Cleavers...or Not So Much

Dear June, I must say, I'm exhausted.  I would like to know, how did you do it?  Did you take a small dose of crack-cocaine each morning?  Or did you simply drink coffee until you crashed?  

So, I'm thinking I'm going to be really skinny on this new path I've chosen.  I rarely sit down, because I'm running constantly.  If I sit down to eat, I'm getting back up because one of my children needs something.  Eating, what's eating?  Yesterday I realized I didn't even have breakfast by the time lunch started.  People have constantly asked me, "aren't you afraid you will get bored staying  home?"  Ha, fat chance!  I don't have time to think, let alone get bored.  I'll go crazy and they'll have to give me meds before I get bored.  By the time the kids are getting ready for nap, I'm so desperately in need of a nap myself that there will be no quiet time for me, at least now.  All I need is sleep.

I will say, while I'm exhausted, and not quite used to answering the constant calls of mommy this or mommy that, I'm having a great time.  I already have a tan from being outside with the kids in the pool.  My flowers are looking amazing, because I have the time to mess with them, not look at them with disdain when I get home from a long day at work.  While my house isn't cleaner per say, I definitely have time to pick it up as we go, which is a totally new concept for me.  Last night, we stayed up till 9:30 and played ladders, an outdoor game I'm actually pretty darn amazing at, while the kids ran around and played (Clayton, as naked as a jaybird).  Then, we all came in and had homemade icecream.

I feel myself morphing into this different person.  My goal was to focus on my kids this summer, and then this fall really push for my writing career to launch.  Of course, time is money in that business so I have to focus on it to a small degree at least until then - but I've realized something important this last week and a half; I'm focusing on me, even while chasing around two wild kiddos.  I ran outside yesterday a.m. without the worry of time.  I did my ab work out.  I took a nap.  I researched some new markets I'm going to query for articles.  I drank my coffee and let the kids wake up at their own leisure.  I'm, healing.

Healing from what you ask?  Healing my wounds from a life full of stress, hustle, and bustle.  Healing from the guilt of missing so many important moments with my children (I smile with glee to see what Mr. Clayton has in store for me today-he's talking up a storm now).  Healing from thinking I constantly have to be perfect, and do everything perfect.  Healing from the daily, choking fear I'd have to do something for the rest of my life that I didn't love.

In the meantime, Mrs. Cleaver, I could I get some of that crack?  I have a long day today.


No comments: