Read This ONLY If You Are A Mom Who Enjoys Wine!

Thank you so much for all the videos you sent in!  Now, we need your photos! 

If you have any pictures-or videos- of your children driving you crazy, throwing a fit, or even being sweet, etc. - we'd like to add those to our video montage!  Please send them by 9/7 to leah.speer@gmail.com. Thanks!!

You love to drink wine.

You are a mom.

You long for just a moment of relaxation and maybe a little fun.

WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Inspire other moms to kick back, pour a glass of wine and ESCAPE!

“How?” you ask.

Just get a 5 second to 30 second video (SO EASY WITH THAT iPHONE OF YOURS!) of yourself enjoying your favorite go-to after a long day. Whether it’s that tall glass of red or refreshing glass of white. Girls’ night out, book club, bunko (have all the girls in one shot smiling and having a FAB time) or just you and the hubs on the back patio (he’ll gladly take a quickie of you with his phone, Miss Hot Thang!). Just you and your snuggie and The Real Housewives of New York City? No problem! Flip your iPad around and get a snapshot of yourself caressing that glass of vino!

The team here at Must.Have.Wine. are producing a video montage (set to the Black Eyed Peas song “I Gotta Feeling”) that we are going to post on YouTubeand send to every online Mom Magazine we can reach. Obviously, our hope is that it’ll go viral and thus send millions of people to our website (it’s being redesigned as you read this) so that millions and millions will buy our book Must.Have.Wine. when it is published in mid-October.

Send your videos or snapshots to Leah at leah.speer@gmail.com or post in on our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/MustHaveWine/245052782182520?ref=hl

Just think, if it does go viral and they decide to show the clip on The Today Show, you can tell all your friends and family to look for you, you superstar!

DEADLINE TO BE A PART OF THIS EXTRAORDINARY EXPERIENCE September 7, 2012.

p.s. Extra bonus points if you are singing along to a part of the Black Eyed Peas song in your video!

Vintage Girls – Moms Need Their Best Girlfriends (Repost)

Original Post Date 9-24-11

vin·tage girls [vin-tij gurlz] noun

1.      girlfriends representing the high quality of a past time.

“Don't forget your sisters. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters.”

One of my vintage girls sent that to me (as part of a longer email) exactly when I needed to read it; as if she had it stored in a folder marked “For Leah’s Next Crisis.” 

I get so swept up in the manic day-to-day life with two toddlers running from playdate to store to potty to doctor and finally home again that the only time I can seem to find time to call my vintage girls is when I’m in the car for that 15- to 25-minute drive to wherever I am headed.  Even when I’m at home, a phone call is pretty much me telling my kids “no, not now” and “here you go” and “don’t do that to your brother” while trying to listen to my friend.  I care.  I really,  really do!  In fact, I’d give just about anything to drop my kids off at the best preschool in town and meet up with that old friend for a cup of coffee and maybe split a vanilla bean cheesecake while we dish about our adorable little ones.  As many women experience in today’s transient world, it’s not always easy to do, especially when your vintage girls live in other states, across the country or even abroad.       

Memories of these girls rush in as random tidbits in the crazy hours of my every day.  They are my rock.  They knew me best before my husband met me.  They know all of my quirks and are often the only ones who can tell me what I’m thinking or open my eyes to my mistakes or let me know how close I am getting to my life goals, even if I’m too close to see it. 

They are the ones who were there for me. 

Vintage girls call you out when you moved to a new city and tried out a new, brass attitude.  Vintage girls stand in line with you at 6:00 a.m. in 22 degree weather for a chance to get free tickets to your favorite Broadway show.  Vintage girls drive cross-country with you when you move out west with all of your belongings shoved into a Cavalier because you read “White Oleander” in the midst of a cold New York City winter.  Vintage girls still believed in you even when you made mistakes.  Vintage girls cheer you on when you are found success. Vintage girls keep in touch with you no matter how far away you move from them.  

They are the ones who are there for me.

Vintage girls are the ones who will tell you it is okay to be exhausted and feel like you can’t do everything once you’re a mommy.  Vintage girls will tell you not to believe a word from that book about sleep schedules and your happy baby. Vintage girls will tell you, I’ve been there. Vintage girls will identify with your situation with your toddler and share a relatable story about their preschooler. Vintage girls will make time for you when you really need it.  Vintage girls will reach out.  Vintage girls have a story about their husbands that make you feel better about living with yours.  Vintage girls will let you cry.  Vintage girls get it.

They are the ones who will be there for me.

When my kids start kindergarten, I know my vintage girls will be the ones to remind me to cherish the memories of their younger years and to embrace the challenges and excitement of the rest of our lives.  When I get a call from a teacher or a coach, I know my vintage girls will stand by me to remind me that we all make mistakes and our kids will work it out for themselves and still be great people. When my kids go off to college, I know my vintage girls will be there to fill the empty space and time – even if it means an all-expense paid trip to Turks and Caicos.  <wink><wink> When I’m in my retirement years and need a reminder of who I was and who I still want to be, I will turn to my vintage girls.

My vintage girls. The girlfriends I cherish, trust and love with all of my heart. Drinking a little wine tonight?  Raise a glass to that, sisters!

The Case for Beer - Why You Should Enjoy It & Enjoy It Right

While Trina and I are avid promoters of the wine industry, there is a special place in my heart for a good ol' beer.  Maybe its flashbacks of a simpler time-those super fun college sorority days.  Or just the idea of a backyard BBQ full of friends and family with an ice cold Sam Adams in one hand and a croquet mallet in the other.  I love beer.  And I love all types.  Sam Adams is my go-to these days, but I enjoy my husbands favorite (Stella Artois) and we have history in Sierra Nevada and Yuengling.  I remember the low-carb days of Mich Ultra Amber. I'll sip a Guinness, but wouldn't order two.  So, I say, grab a beer tonight and crank up your radio and belt out a good song like "Sweet Home Alabama"...something you can raise your bottle high as you dance around with some good friends.  Enjoy another fun infographic from frugaldad.com - L'chaim!

Source: FrugalDad.com

How Much is Too Much?

It's a discussion I joke around with my friends about frequently.  We poke fun and laugh about the fact we all revel in a glass or sometimes a bottle, of wine.  After a stressful day, there's nothing like sitting down and having that first sip, feeling your shoulders relax and your worries slip away.  After awhile, this may be that one thing you look forward to after a hectic day.  That one moment of utter peace, no matter how quickly it fades.

I believe I was blessed without an addictive bone in my body.  I know this for a fact because in my experimental, wild partying days...I long ago would have been addicted to something, anything - most definitely drinking.  I always had the ability to pick up something, then stop without a second thought.  I've seen friends and family go the other direction though...and it makes me wonder what in my genetics makes me immune to such things.  Why some people have a vice that takes over their lives, and other people can control it.  It doesn't seem fair...however because I'm at the positive end of that ratio I'll take it without too many complaints.

I've went months where the only drink I ever picked up was on the weekend, depending if we were at a social event.  Then there's times where I have at least a glass of wine every night.  Especially lately, because the stress from work and trying to balance life in general has me so tuned up all the time I need something to help me relax.  I've decided due to calorie intake, no more wine Monday-Thursday.  Just like that.  Instead, I've started running again to release the stress and anxiety.  I'm assuming I'll have better, healthier results...don't you think? While I thoroughly enjoy having a glass of wine while I cook...it's really not a big deal.  

I wonder, how much is too much?  When do you cross the line into that place where you can't go back?  I read an article recently about a mom who started putting wine in her coffee mug in the morning.  She started noticing that she was shaking and had this urge to drink, starting as early as 9:30 am.  I don't know about you, but I can't even imagine drinking wine at 9:30 am.  Back in my twenty's, we had a few camping trips where the early mornings began with Boone's farm. Who didn't at that age!? Now I think...noon maybe, but 9:30?   No, coffee please!  

So, I ask you, how much is too much? For me, too much of anything is when I lose control.  That goes with eating, drinking....anything.  If I feel the control slipping, I re-evaluate because I hate the feeling that I don't have a good grip on the reins.  And when it comes to my life, I like to be the one steering...

Wine.com, Obviously

We personally invite you to follow our blog and share in experiences we can all relate to while enjoying our favorite “go-to” after a rough day…that inviting glass of white or red. Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, working mom or work-at-home mom - we appreciate what you go through each and every day.  And though moms’ indulging in a glass of wine is not quite news, in 2011 several wineries started marketing directly to moms following studies showing women purchase 77% of the wine in the United States.  77%!


So we've got the stories to help you feel relief from a frustrating day or to relax with a smile after a cute experience with your little one, but how are you going to decide which bottle of wine or champagne to choose? Wine.com is simply, incroyable!   It is the place to go for everything wine.  Looking for a sweet and light white?  Or are you seeking a bold red?  Got $20 to spend or $75?  This site will point you in the right direction!  


If you are a mom and you love wine: wine.com, obviously!

Brought To By Wine.com, Purveyors of Fine Wine and Champagne 

The Dos And Don'ts of Moving With Young Kids

Tomorrow, my family and I will celebrate one week in our new home!  One week!  Oh, but this means so much more than it looks right now as I read it on my computer screen.  Let's be real, though. It's been 20 days since we've begun this journey we call moving. (I won't count the five weeks of preparation that preceded said move.)  

In between several meltdowns this week, many of my friends have quoted to me that moving is one of the top stresses in life.  And I've found that to be quite true.  Especially with two little ones in tow.  So I want to share a little of what I learned and help anyone else out there who may one day make a move with one or two or more of their young children.  Help me, help you. 

*This written for a move requiring a relocation by car more than five hours from where you were living, with no family (moms, dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles) in either location, and on a smart family budget. 

DON'T have your kids around on moving day.  Hire a babysitter on moving day. This may change the whole stress level of your entire move.  Had we hired a babysitter or even sent our kiddos to a friend's house that last day, we could've saved many tears and changed the tone of the move.  No matter how much you think you've done to be ahead of schedule, there is just so much to do that last day.  It isn't fair to your kids, to have them hang around with no chance of staying "out of the way" the entire day...much less an hour.  I can almost guarantee you'll also get double the amount of packing, loading and cleaning done without having them at your feet.  

DO explain to your kids in advance that you will be moving soon so that they have time to get used to the idea (as much as they can in their little minds).  This will also give them a better understanding of the big picture when it comes time to say good-bye to their friends.  If you're moving to a new state, buy a book about that state and be excited about the new place when you read it.  Share with your child all the cool things you know about the new place, including pictures of your new house if you have them. 

DO take your time on the drive. Roll the windows down (if it's nice, of course) and crank up some good ol' James Taylor and enjoy the drive.  Stop every couple of hours and let your kids run around.  I have a friend who advised to stop for lunch at a place with a playland and let the kids run wild.  Then have them eat in the car.  You get a little break and they get some much-needed fun.  And this may result in a nice long nap for them!

DON'T let your kids see you sweat.  You will be stressed throughout your move. You will want to snap at your children when your mind is running down the list of one million things you need to do in a short amount of time in order to get settled.  But you've got time.  Make a list of what needs to be done and set each with a priority level.  Some things really don't need to be done right away.  Some things do.  Decide and stay cool!

DO take time each day that you're settling to get the kids out of the house.  Whether its to the local playground or out for an ice cream cone. I know you want to stay inside and get things done, but you will appreciate the break too.  And their smiles will make it worth it!

DON'T worry if you want to fall asleep at 8:00pm instead of staying up past their bedtime to get even more done.  Sleep.  Everything will still be there tomorrow and you'll be better off if you do!

DO make sure you keep their favorite comfort item with them the entire way from the last packing day, the road trip, the hotel stay and move-in day.  Whenever they get a little insecure or nervous about all the change, they'll know that not everything is changing.

DON'T feel bad if you are feeling so much on your shoulders! Take a deep breath.  Take it one day at a time.  You will be settled soon enough. 

DO kiss and hug and cuddle your children often through this journey. Make them smile and laugh.  Remind them that you love them and that you are not going anywhere...you will always be by their side!

DO get out and have fun as a family that first night. Celebrate! Remember, this is an exciting new adventure!

DO call your friends and cry to them when you are feeling overwhelmed.  If your friends* are anything like mine, you will feel 100% relieved after you talk to them and it'll save your husband and your kids from seeing you upset!

And finally, and maybe most importantly...

DO have lots of wine on hand.  If you need a glass at naptime, so be it.  If a glass at 4pm right before the hubs gets home from work, go for it.  You will be amazed at how one glass of wine can take your stress level from a raging 10 to a happy and mellow 2.  

*For all of you who have listened to me this week, who are always there for me, I thank you and love you!  

"Hollywood Moms Night" - The Next Best Thing To Going Out With Your Girlfriends!

Can’t make it to girls’ night out tonight?  Hollywood Moms Night is the next best thing!  Stay with me, mamas!  I know what you’re thinking…the “Hollywood” makes you think of the Kardashians, private chefs and limousines, 24-hour nannies to moms who’ve never woken up in the middle of the night to their crying gassy babes.   This delightful show isn’t about those Hollywood moms.  It’s about as close to real as I imagine you can get in Hollywood.

The dish is this… if you can’t get out for a dinner party with your girlfriends (and you don’t feel like cleaning your home to host one), just pour a glass of vino and join these moms for a relaxing night in filled with laughter and nods of understanding – you’ll be shouting out:  “I’ve been there!” and “Oh, no she didn’t!”.  Just like us real moms, they enjoy taking the time to get pretty and put on that new dress, delight in bringing their own dishes to the party (who really cares if it was bought or cooked) and just talking about what girls talk about.  From how they met and fell in love with their men to what to call their sons’ privates-I was happy to hear that penis is indeed one of them! 

Known for their fun dinner parties, besties Alison Sweeney and Ali Landry are now hosting these dinners on-camera.  I decided to tune-in because I’ve always been a fan of Alison; I adore her style and down-to-earth persona as seen on The Biggest Loser.  The hour-long premier proved Hollywood Moms Night to be the essence of a real dinner party with real moms!  I love it!  The show even caught Alison having to balance decorating, cooking and dolling up all before and after a day at work.  Sound familiar?  That’s why this show is beautiful…it’s relatable!

It’s what Trina and I are so passionate about.  Real moms being real.  Beautiful.  Strong.  Even sassy – Niecy, we’re talking to you!  As we’ve said in many of our posts, we’re all in this world of motherhood together…we might as well share the great things we find that make us smile, laugh or even just know we’re not alone in some of our crazy motherhood experiences.

If you like reality shows but you’re tired of the over-the-top, over-dramatized, not-a-bit-relatable takes on reality, you have to check this out!  It’s refreshingly gratifying.  So ladies…moms…join me Sundays via TV Guide channel at 8:00 p.m. and let’s raise a glass to real moms, even if they are in Hollywood!

***Going to be up late tonight?  Tune in at 11:00 pm. for a showing of the premiere episode of Hollywood Moms Night on TV Guide Channel!  If not, it looks like they will rerun the premier every day from now until Sunday.

Entertain, Cook a Turkey and Remain Stress-Free This Thanksgiving!

My mom, dad and I - Thanksgiving '79

Thanksgiving can be stress-free. It just takes a little planning, a little flexibility and of course, a little lot of wine.  My mother modeled seamless Thanksgiving dinners filled with family and friends; scrumptious hors d’oeuvres and homemade desserts; laughter and love.  Not a suggestion of stress in the house.  As I grew older, I would soon realize there was a method behind the madness (or lack thereof). Over the years, I took some of her craft and some of my vision and mingled them into an overall stress-free Thanksgiving experience.

It’s 6:00am; hopefully, your kiddos are still in bed. I know mine are not, however.  They rarely ever sleep past 7:00am. And, surely, you’ve read this post long before Thanksgiving morning.  So you have already picked out a cute outfit to show off the 4 lbs you lost over the last month or so; you’ve thawed your turkey; and the chic antique-silver gravy boat you ordered has arrived just in time for your feast.  In addition, you’ve already made your cheese ball, dips, desserts and you set the table late last night before finally settling down to sleep.  So you’re up and at ‘em.  Grab your cup of Joe and have a seat, won’t you?

With your handy dandy notebook (old-school or with a keyboard), jot down what time you plan on serving your meal.  Then make a list of each dish you will serve with a column for preparation, starting and finishing times:

Meal Time: 2:00 pm

The mathematical formula goes as follows:  Ending Time MINUS Preparation Time = Starting Time.  Determine your ending time based on how long that dish needs to cool or if it should be served immediately.  When you’ve completed your list, sort by Starting Time or number your dishes in the order you need to work on them. 

Now, you’ll want to refresh your cup of coffee, maybe add some Bailey’s, and get back to the planning.  If your kids are up now, go ahead and dish out some of that breakfast casserole you made yesterday afternoon.  You made one, right?

What time do you plan on serving your apps?  And did you consider what time you need to make them disappear?  You don’t want to leave them out until 1:00pm and find that nobody has an appetite for dinner.  So savvy you should decide on an “end time” and kind of like closing time at your favorite bar…okay, your favorite bar from ten years ago…give your guests a “last call” warning before you do take the goodies away.  My advice is 2 hours prior to dinner.

It should be about 9:00am now.  Turn on your TV to NBC for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  In my home, this is a requirement.  I grew up watching this religiously and the magic drew me in and was likely part of the reason I needed to move to New York City at 22.  Depending on how big your turkey is-that’s what she said-and when your dinner will be served, will determine what time you should start cooking your turkey.  I’ve relied on Butterball’s calculator since I started my own Thanksgiving dinners several years ago and if I do say so myself; they’ve always been cooked to close-to-perfection.

My first Thanksgiving sans family...my friend Sara and I in our
cozy little apartment in NYC...after shivering at the Macy's Parade.
We knew the importance of the wine, even back then!

It’s 11:00am.  If you’re going by my 2:00pm dinner schedule, the apps are out and the majority of your guests are chatting away.  This is the time you should go ahead and pour yourself a glass of wine.  I know what you’re thinking; it’s only 11:00am.  But it’s okay…it’s Thanksgiving! 

Please don’t worry about the kids-that’s what your family is here for, after all!  They’ve come to play with and snuggle and spoil your little ones.  Use your kitchen as your excuse. “Can someone come get little Evan; I’m cooking in here!”  Or try this one, “Mom, would you mind taking little Suzy with you into the family room; I don’t want her to hurt her precious little hand on the hot stove.  I wish I could keep a better eye on her, but I’m cooking in here!”  Then duck behind an open cabinet and sip away! Everyone will understand…and thank you for it when instead of screaming at them to get out of your way, you’ll be offering them a glass.    

My husband and 3-wk-old son, Thanksgiving '08

It’s 2:00pm.  Your golden and lush turkey is center of your beautiful table.  You are relaxed.  You are thankful.  Every single person around your table are smiling and thanking you for your hard work.  Who knew Thanksgiving could be this easy! Now, let’s say grace!

*Breakfast casserole recommended by my BFF from high school, Sue MacNicoll.  She adds this comment: I have made this with raisins and dried blueberries. Never with cranberries... My favorite is with blueberries!  So good!

What tips do you have to share with other moms on how you stay stress-free when planning a big Thanksgiving dinner or entertaining guests?

Vintage Girls – Moms Need Their Best Girlfriends

vin·tage girls [vin-tij gurlz] noun

1.      girlfriends representing the high quality of a past time.

“Don't forget your sisters. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters.”

One of my vintage girls sent that to me (as part of a longer email) exactly when I needed to read it; as if she had it stored in a folder marked “For Leah’s Next Crisis.” 

I get so swept up in the manic day-to-day life with two toddlers running from playdate to store to potty to doctor and finally home again that the only time I can seem to find time to call my vintage girls is when I’m in the car for that 15- to 25-minute drive to wherever I am headed.  Even when I’m at home, a phone call is pretty much me telling my kids “no, not now” and “here you go” and “don’t do that to your brother” while trying to listen to my friend.  I care.  I really,  really do!  In fact, I’d give just about anything to drop my kids off at the best preschool in town and meet up with that old friend for a cup of coffee and maybe split a vanilla bean cheesecake while we dish about our adorable little ones.  As many women experience in today’s transient world, it’s not always easy to do, especially when your vintage girls live in other states, across the country or even abroad.       

Memories of these girls rush in as random tidbits in the crazy hours of my every day.  They are my rock.  They knew me best before my husband met me.  They know all of my quirks and are often the only ones who can tell me what I’m thinking or open my eyes to my mistakes or let me know how close I am getting to my life goals, even if I’m too close to see it. 

They are the ones who were there for me. 

Vintage girls call you out when you moved to a new city and tried out a new, brass attitude.  Vintage girls stand in line with you at 6:00 a.m. in 22 degree weather for a chance to get free tickets to your favorite Broadway show.  Vintage girls drive cross-country with you when you move out west with all of your belongings shoved into a Cavalier because you read “White Oleander” in the midst of a cold New York City winter.  Vintage girls still believed in you even when you made mistakes.  Vintage girls cheer you on when you are found success. Vintage girls keep in touch with you no matter how far away you move from them.  

They are the ones who are there for me.

Vintage girls are the ones who will tell you it is okay to be exhausted and feel like you can’t do everything once you’re a mommy.  Vintage girls will tell you not to believe a word from that book about sleep schedules and your happy baby.  Vintage girls will tell you, I’ve been there. Vintage girls will identify with your situation with your toddler and share a relatable story about their preschooler.  Vintage girls will make time for you when you really need it.  Vintage girls will reach out.  Vintage girls have a story about their husbands that make you feel better about living with yours.  Vintage girls will let you cry.  Vintage girls get it.

They are the ones who will be there for me.

When my kids start kindergarten, I know my vintage girls will be the ones to remind me to cherish the memories of their younger years and to embrace the challenges and excitement of the rest of our lives.  When I get a call from a teacher or a coach, I know my vintage girls will stand by me to remind me that we all make mistakes and our kids will work it out for themselves and still be great people.  When my kids go off to college, I know my vintage girls will be there to fill the empty space and time – even if it means an all-expense paid trip to Turks and Caicos.  <wink><wink> When I’m in my retirement years and need a reminder of who I was and who I still want to be, I will turn to my vintage girls.

My vintage girls. The girlfriends I cherish, trust and love with all of my heart.  Drinking a little wine tonight?  Raise a glass to that, sisters!

Going From Firm to Sweet in a Millisecond - The Emotional Switches in Motherhood

A state characterized by the coexistence of contradictory or incompatible elements; one sign being a rapidly changing mood- from happy to sad to angry for no apparent reason.  Schizophrenia.  If my sons were aware of medical terms-and doctors-this is no doubt what they’d diagnose me as.

At least that’s how I feel many times in our day.

Last night, for example. It’s bedtime.  We had woken up at 5:00 a.m. followed by zero naps.  I wore them out at the playground with a group of 10+ kiddos under the age of 5 for a solid hour at the very minimum. They ate a hearty meal of SpaghettiOs with extra meatballs at dinner; bath; books; brush; the usual. At 7:45 p.m., I kissed their precious foreheads and bid them a good night and sweet dreams.  I closed the door behind me and sat on the couch before realizing I hadn’t poured that glass of wine yet.  A few minutes went by.  Silence.  Ah!  I stood up to pour that satiny red into my glassy best friend.  Ultimate relaxation imminent in just minutes.

“Mommy, I’m thirsty.” I hear my oldest calling from behind his door.  At least, he wasn’t opening it (that means he is aware there are rules).

Thoughts dart in my mind.  Stand firm and say no.  He’ll get the idea and know you are not a pushover.  The other voice says, just give him a cup of water and maybe that’s all he really needs and that will be the end of it tonight.

I give him a cup of water.

“Good night, mommy.” He disappears back into his room like the good little almost-three-year-old that he is. 

Ten minutes later, following a potty break, a sip of water and a clean diaper for my youngest, and a tuck in for both; I find myself standing in between their beds.  “Mommy, sing one more song.” A voice in my head explains that the boys shall get no more songs otherwise I am a pushover and this will happen every night until they’re sixteen.  The other voice says to sing one more song just in hopes that this will be the last call of the night. 

In the firmest, most non-pushover voice I can muster, “Okay, I’ll sing one more song.  But THAT IS IT!  NO MORE GAMES!”

[Enter sweet tender mommy voice]

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy…”  Who in normal society actually does that?  There is rarely an instance that you will be talking so firm to someone and switch into sweet sing-songy mode so rapidly.  This is the schizophrenia I’m talking about.  I mean, can you imagine talking to your boss at work…
[Firmly] Leah, I’m really disappointed in your performance on the analytics report.  You’ve miscalculated the numbers and your writing is quite illegible. [Softly] But have I ever told you how nice your hair smells.  Every time you walk past me in the hallway I just think to myself I am so glad I hired you and that I really like you a lot.”

And this isn’t the only instance.  This happens when we’re having a great time playing and laughing and in his excitement, Luke jumps up and knocks his brother to the floor.  My friendly aura is jolted and I’m forced to work up a tough love lesson I’m not quite fond of.  Or when he climbs on my lap and tells me, “mommy, I love you.”  Delighted, I go in for a kiss and notice he’s chewing.  I ask, “What’s in your mouth?”  He spits out black rubber into my hand.  I quickly scan the room spying my lone flip flop in the corner.  A chunk savagely torn from it.  I’m too relaxed to turn work up the energy to be mad, but I don’t want him to ruin any more of my shoes.  Or when we had a fun outing at the park and we chase eachother to the car, giggling all the while, and then he sneakily jumps into the front of the car while I’m buckling in his brother and refuses to climb into his seat-thus making me chase him from side to side-resulting in an I’m-over-it “you better get in your seat or… (or what-think fast!) or you won’t get that treat when we get home.” What treat?  Now I need to get him a treat if he gets in his seat.  Why am I going to treat him for finally obeying me after a few minutes of craziness?  Ah, the word craziness.  Maybe this isn’t a coincidence. 

Honestly, I’d rather be the sweet and happy mommy 24/7.   But I’m savvy enough to know that doesn’t work out too well for the kiddos in the long run.  I guess for me, who has always been pretty agreeable and the last person to ever start a fight, it’s hard to be that assertive and firm person I know I need to be. 

Or maybe I just over think it.

Speaking of Sleep...

I know you all have heard Samuel L. Jackson’s narration of Adam Mansbach’s Go the F*ck to Sleep, a vertible transcript of many a parent in the midst of their child’s bedtime idiocy. 

The very clip fell into my hands on the first eve of a new bedtime routine.  At no other point could I have related more.  Unless that point is now.  Several weeks later. 

But let’s flash back a moment.  In June, I took my first, very much earned and needed, trip away from all of my boys to spend a blissful weekend at a lake house in Tennessee with ten girlfriends, many of whom I hadn’t even seen since before I had Luke, almost 3 years ago.  The weekend was a mirror of the good ol’ college days… full of vivacious laughter, too much beer, gossip and reminiscence of a time when Hootie and the Blowfish dominated the air waves, everyone wondered if Ross and Rachel would end up together, and Drink & Drown was every Wednesday night at Mainstreet. 

With the precision of an anesthesiologist arriving just when you’re about to tussle with your husband in that “tranquil” birthing suite; I welcomed Sunday relaxed and ready to return to my family.   I’m sure I must’ve had some thoughts that their sleep would be disrupted with the brief change in our home.  I didn’t realize it was going to be a lasting change.  Night after night following my return, my 2 ½ year old refused bed.  He screamed and cried and kicked behind his secured door.  Then suddenly, one night it hit me; he wants freedom.  It occurred to me that my daytime-potty-trained son was becoming too independent to not have the freedom at night. 

Easy enough.  I’ve smuggly watched this one hundred times on Supernanny.  I was better than all of those moms.  I’ve got this under control, I thought.  I shared my master plan with my husband:  tonight, we set him free.  If he comes out, we simply put him back in his bed without a word.  He’ll get bored and we’ll win.

Excitedly, I share with my big boy that we have officially removed his safety lock.

“Honey, when you have to go potty, just come on out and we’ll make sure you go and then you just go right back to bed.” 

He seized the opportunity.  The freedom.  Immediately.  And five minutes later, he did again.  And again.  Each time, I did as I had studied and without a word, I returned him to his bed.  Before I knew it, almost two hours had gone by and I had lost my “me time” for that night. 

This continued.  Night after frustrating night, I felt myself losing.  I was no longer in control.  He was flat out manipulating me and my husband knew it.  Why wasn’t this working, I questioned my process wishing that Brit nanny was sitting with me, coaching me.  But she wasn’t.  I couldn’t process the situation any longer. 

I talked to my friends.  I talked to my mom.  Even now, I don’t exactly have an answer.  But we have found a compromise.  He gets three chances (and that is way too many chances!) to use the potty from the time we start our bedtime stories.  By the third chance, he gets to use the potty but the gate on his door.  For over a week now, he’s just been playing the game.   He will repeat our deal verbatim. 

“Three times and I get the gate.”  He recites.

“Yes, son.  But you don’t want the gate up.  You just want to stay in your room after the second time.”  I smile, encouragingly.

He’s playing the game.  He will reach the third potty break and say, “Okay, that was three.”  He hops back into bed, I have to tuck him in, put the gate up and then…finally…quiet.

I may not be able to actually use the F-word to enhance my wishes at bedtime, but you know as I picture my cushy couch and that empty wine glass awaiting me in the next room; I sure am thinking it.