I’m Not Lovin’ It!

I’m lovin’ it!  Isn’t that their slogan?  On this hot spring afternoon in South Carolina, I was in fact, not loving it.  Actually, I wasn’t minding it until my two-year-old son got stuck in the steamy, twisty, yellow and red slide at McDonald’s.  Up until that point, he’d been allowed to play at the Chick-Fil-A playland, but that slide wasn’t nearly as loopy, as high up, or outside.  With my parents by my side, one of us holding my 15-month-old, we let Luke climb up into the kid-friendly tube.  There were a few other kids there, having a jolly good time and after all, Luke had had his eye on this since we arrived—holding true to his promise by eating plenty of chicken and french fries. 

It never occurred to me that trouble could befall a child in such a wonderland.  As I’m chatting with my folks, I hear what sounds like Carol Ann from Poltergeist summoning me from the TV.  Help me.  Mommy, where are you? I’m afraid of the light, mommy.  I realize it is my little boy, somewhere at the top of the maze.  I can’t see him, though I shout out to him. 

“Mommy’s right here, baby, just slide down! I’m right here.”  I’m starting to panic.  I tell my parents to stand by the slide to catch him, should he slide down. 

I was going in!  It’s just a slide.  Or is it?  Is it a fire pit of tight twists and turns that drives claustrophobia into any adult who dares enter this little kiddie world?  I’m pretty petite, and I often think I’m still 16…or at least in my 16-year-old body at age 34.  I’m not!  I slither up two turns and the heat is enveloping me. All I can hear are the echoing cries of my first-born.  I want to cry.  I can’t breathe.  I can’t go up further.  Someone help me, I thought.  I may have a panic attack.  I think of those moms who fight off intruders, who jump in front of a train, who hold their bare hands to their child’s gushing wounds just to save their baby.  And I can’t climb the fuck up a McDonald’s slide?  What’s wrong with me?  Disappointed in myself and scared for my son, I wiggle out of the entrance of the fun zone. 

Defeated.  I look at my parents, has he not come down?  I don’t know what to do.  My heart is racing.  Should I grab an employee, clearly trained like a medic, to scale the mountainous slide to save my son?  Should I try again and climb through the kiddie tunnels of hell?  All I could think about was my son’s fear.  Could he even see us?  Did he think he was trapped for life?  That he’d never again see his loving mommy and daddy?  Before the tears start to gush out, the sweetest most giving little seven-year-old girl comes down the slide, almost skillfully pulling my son by his ankle behind her.  I run to him, grab him like he’d just been saved from a well like Baby Jessica. 

I hug him so tight.  He is crying.  I’m crying.  “Mommy is always right here, baby.  Always!” 

Once the emotions settled and we were safe in our car, him snacking on the rest of his fries, I explained to him that he has to be brave in situations like this and slide down or climb back down (hmmm, nice advice coming from the mom who couldn’t hack it herself!) 

Oh, the guilt we moms find ourselves carrying.  When you find yourself thinking I should’ve… or I wish I’d… just remember…you’re human, too, and don’t be so hard on yourself for everything.  After all, this will be a funny story when he’s 16, right?

Today’s Forecast: Scattered Mom Likely

A peek inside the frenzied mind of an everyday mom:

Ah, my coffee.  We’re almost out of Splenda.  I’m going to have to remember to put that on my grocery list.  In fact, I need to make a run to Walmart today.  Let me start a list.  Where is the paper?  I thought I’d just put it in this drawer yesterday. 

What do you need, baby? Well, we’re having breakfast in about 10 minutes, just let me finish cutting these grapes.  Should I cut these grapes in fourths?  I’m going to just cut them all up now, then we’ll be good to go the rest of the week.  Oh yeah, my coffee.  We’ve got plenty of cream to last the next week or two, that’s groovy.  And thanks to my dad for giving us a whole bag of his home-roasted Kona coffee beans.  That reminds me, I need to send him a thank you card.  I wonder if I have any cards left over from the last bunch I bought?  I’ll have to remember to look for one later, before I head over to the store. 

No, you may not have any chocolate.  If you eat your breakfast, I’ll think about giving you some chocolate milk.  Waffles!  I wonder if I should just go ahead and make a waffle for myself?  I know I was going to try and eat healthier today and cook up some scrambled egg whites, but this will save me time on cooking and dishes and well, it’s just easier.  What the hell, right?  I’ll make it up at lunch time with a salad.  I’m going to have to buy some fresh spinach though because I think what’s left in the fridge is bad.   As always, I’m so awful at letting vegetables spoil.  I know it drives Zac crazy.  Why isn’t he up yet? 

What happened to your clothes, young man?  You are supposed to go on a doggie walk with your father and I just got you dressed!  Go grab your undies!  There he is.  Good!  I’ll get five, maybe ten, minutes of quiet when he takes the boys and our dog for their morning walk.

No, seriously, I had him dressed just a minute ago.  I’m not going to spend my morning chasing him down 17 times to get him to keep his clothes on.  Luke!  Grab your undies if you want to go for a doggie walk.  Otherwise, you’re going to stay here with me.

I’m so not going to stick to that threat!  I cherish these peaceful minutes.  I’ll check my e-mail once they leave.  I can start breakfast as soon as they get back.  I also need to look up our play date for today; I can’t remember if it’s at 3:00 p.m. or 3:30 p.m.  I hope it’s at 3:30 p.m., that always gives us – okay, bye, have fun.  Be safe! – what was I just thinking?  Oh, I can’t remember.  Doesn’t matter anyway, I guess.  I have to go potty.  Did I just say potty?  But first, let me check my bank account to see if my little tiny paycheck went through.  I need to make sure my wallet is in my diaper bag too before I leave this morning.  I think I had it last when I met Susie at the movies and I really don’t remember transferring it back to the diaper bag.  Okay, good!  It’s in there.  I better go ahead and throw a couple of diapers in it now also.  I’m pretty sure I have to pick some of those up, too.

List!  I’ve got to start a list!  Finally!  Here’s some paper.  Milk.  Maybe a thank you card.  Diapers for ZZ.  What am I going to have for lunch today?  Oh, yeah, a salad.  Spinach.  I think I have everything else I need for lunch here. I could use some more Cherry Coke Zero.  Cherry Coke Zero.  Awesome!

My paycheck has gone through; I have money again!  Maybe I should buy Luke some new pool shoes from Once Upon A Child.  Does he really need pool shoes?  I can’t believe his birthday is coming up.  Well, it’ll be here before we know it after vacation in September.  That’s just eight weeks away.  And his birthday will be about six weeks after that.  What kind of party should we have?  What’s he really into these days?  His daddy’s Jeep.  Can I have a Jeep party?  What would that consist of?  I could get Diego plates and decorations but make his cake a Jeep cake and, well, then it’s a Diego party and not a Jeep party.  But I want it to be so special for him since we had a small affair last year.  What about a pool party?  In November?  Maybe a slight possibility since we’re in South Carolina, but nothing to count on.  I should see if there are any indoor pools in town.  I’m sure there won’t be since we are in SC, but maybe.  He loves the pool so much; he’d be in heaven!

Hey!  You’re back!  That was fast!  What happened to my quiet time?  I didn’t get anything accomplished.  Now I won’t have another moment of quiet until naptime and I’m not sure I can make that happen since Zealand woke up an hour before his brother.  I must try!  I’ll go to the grocery store right before lunch time and keep him awake!  What would you like from the store?  I hope my two favorite plates for the boys are clean.  They are not in the cabinet where they should be.  Not in the dishwasher.  I now know what my mom used to talk about when I was little when she’d tell us she was losing her mind because things are never in the place she left them.

Honey, where are the boys’ blue and green plates?  Ha!  I must’ve mindlessly grabbed them earlier when I first got to the kitchen.  I can’t believe they are sitting here right in front of me. Here you go boys: a waffle, grapes and yogurt.  It feels so good to sit down.  My boys are so sweet.  It looks like they’re hungry, too, which is always a good thing.  You know what would be perfect right now?  My coffee; which I haven’t touched since I poured it an hour ago.  Now where the heck is it?    

While They Dream

Some of the most endearing moments in a life filled with children are when it is so quiet.  Sometimes during an ever-frenzied day, it's hard to imagine such calm.  I had a beautiful moment just last week as I checked in on my sleeping boy...

The entire house is quiet except for the white noise of his small fan, his little lips are allowing such sweetness of small breaths to exit his dreaming body.  His blue satin blanket is laced between his fingers and propped across the side of his face.  His long legs which seem to be growing faster than ever, are stretched almost the length of his mattress.  The strands of his curiously blonde hair highlight a frame around his 18-month-old face.

The three meltdowns from earlier and the spilled juice on our newly steamed carpet—almost a distant memory.  The endless account of “no’s” heard throughout the day seem less frustrating now when I look down on my sleeping son.

Who is this little person?  Who is this being that my husband and I lovingly created?  In the madness of a day, it’s so hard to take the time to visit those questions…to really take it in.  The magnitude of what it is to be a mother or a father.  Every lesson taught, every kiss sealed onto their forehead.   Every “I love you” realized. 

You are shaping who they are with every second of the day.  And isn’t it amazing the love that can rise above all the chaos and stress of each day and make it all so very right? 

When looking at my son, I see his body snuggled comfortably in his bed after he’s exerted all of that energy; I see the depth and the magic of his being. 

A child in slumber enhances the mystic delight of being a mom. 

Following another sleepless night...

Katrina and I became friends.  We actually became writing buddies first and the friendship naturally and effortlessly followed (stay tuned for a post on how it was that we came together).  We began writing Mommies Need Sleep, Too! in March of 2011. 

Now that it is complete, we found ourselves lost in world with no writing.  So voila!   We created this blog to keep up our writing and to share our stories - heartwarming, heartbreaking, hilarious, raw and real - about being a mommy in today's crazy world!  Not only will we be sharing our stories in real time, we encourage you to share yours with us as well!  Let this be a community where we can open up honestly about everything we go through, the good, the bad, and the zany!

Thanks for reading!!!

Leah