Why I Left Preschool Crying...

This was going to be my “oh how sweet it is-my son just started preschool" post. That’s exactly what it would’ve read like if I had posted yesterday…like I had planned. During a very relaxing birthday lunch with my youngest son, Zealand, I decided I would ask Trina to switch days with me – and she did!  After picking up my Luke today, however, I have a different experience to write about.

Trina wrote about the grandiose visions of our children that we have in our minds in her post Unreasonable Expectations. Our kid will be the perfect one…they are the best, after all. On Monday night, I was filling out his preschool information sheet.  One of the questions asked “What do you feel your child does really well at?” Why, everything, of course. I mean, he’s outgoing, smart, compassionate, helpful, etc. I even mentioned they could pair up a shy student with him because he has leadership potential and his kind heart will let that other child know he really cares.

When I dropped him off that very first morning, he practically escorted me out of the room.  I promised I’d be back after quiet time to pick him up and he just waved “bye” with a excited smile on his face. When I came back to pick him up, right at two, he ran to my arms beaming. The teacher’s assistant came up to me and exclaimed how much fun Luke was and how sweet.  His daily sheet even said - and I quote - "MY OVERALL DAY WAS - with the following handwritten WONDERFUL!"  I was so proud!  We went out to celebrate his great behavior with some ice cream.

This morning when he found out he was going back to school, he threw his clothes on and was ready to walk out the door an hour before we had to leave.  Again, I kissed him good-bye and he scampered off to play with his classmates. 

At 2pm, I walked into his classroom.  His teacher smiled a soft smile and tired eyes.

I asked with a smile, “how was Luke today?” I knew the answer would be pretty much the same as yesterday. But, to my shock and dismay, she said, “he did better today.”  Better than fun and sweet and wonderful??

“What?” I asked. “I thought he did well yesterday.”

“Well, he had problems at naptime. He didn’t want to sleep and he wouldn’t sit still. He screams for you so loud he was disturbing the other classes.”

What??!!! My Luke?!

Seeing the tears form in my eyes, my face flushed, she reassured, “This is just the second day!  Don’t worry! We’ll get there!” She placed her hand on my shoulder.

I took my boys home, crying the whole way and wondering where I went wrong as a mom. Clueless as to how I could fix it.

Thank goodness for friends with older kids who have been through these experiences and witnessed their children growing up just fine. I’ve calmed down a bit and I’m ready to take this challenge for my boy who is a good boy! Just like all of us, he’s got some lessons to learn…and so do I!

A Mommy’s School Bus Jitters

Originally Posted 8/11/11

If you're a mom about to bid adieu to your little one as they climb aboard that big yellow heartbreaker for the very first time, I wish you well.  I have no idea what it’s actually going to be like watching my son get on the bus to head to Kindergarten for the first time, but I do know it’s not going to be easy if I’m crying about it now and he’s only 21 months old. 

We read a few books every night at bedtime, and lately, our favorite book has been “Best Baby Ever” by David Milgrim.  In it, the parents are mesmerized as their baby grows from his first smile until ultimately, they watch him get on the school bus for the very first time with tears in their eyes.  I’m telling you, I’ve read this book probably every night at least once, for the last couple of months.  Yet, tonight, I couldn’t hold it back.  It seems like just yesterday when I had my little 7 lb 7 oz newborn baby boy.  He’s already grown so fast and if time continues to fly like this, I’ll soon be watching a five-year-old get on the bus.

My voice starts to shake as I continue to read this particular night; but I toughen up and tell the story until the end without my son noticing my voice choking up.  I conclude as I wipe the tears from my face that Kindergarten is a long way off, and I’m going to enjoy every single minute with my baby until then.  But, really, I know it's just right around the corner...on the corner some of you'll be standing on this month. 

In so many ways we can't wait to see our children grow into the people they are going to be; yet we want to keep them little.  Hug your little Kindergartner before they get on that bus and enjoy that moment for what it is.  A milestone.  A treasured memory.  And if you find yourself lost in a quiet house, go treat yourself to a hot stone massage!

The Day I Never Thought Would Come

I think we'd all agree we picture our babies staying babies, forever. We picture helping them get dressed, feeding them, brushing their teeth, with little glee and maybe even a bit of annoyance more often times than not...as though these days will never end. We think, as much as we love these little beings, they will depend on us forever.

So today, at kindergarten registration, I found myself staring at the concrete block walls inside the huge elementary school just a few blocks from our house.  I pictured my daughter running and playing there, meeting new friends and learning to read.  I knew in that moment that before long, she'd be rushing away when I dropped her off before school, no longer begging for a kiss or a hug as she does now.  She'd be more stubborn about wearing what she wanted, mismatched clothes or a dress on a snowy morning.  She'll likely come home with tears because a little boy broke her heart, or the mean girl at school ridiculed her.

I know I no longer can protect her the way I have. The home daycare with a woman that loves her nearly as much as I do.  Or the wonderful preschool teachers that think she's the sweetest little girl that's full of spunk and life, and encourage her in that.  It's just one step in this huge, gigantic world for her, and I'm scared to death.  I realize I have to let her go, and be excited for her...and I am in some ways.  I'm ready to help her with homework and assist in her class from time to time.  I'm ready for sports and new friends...and for her to get to experience this next new phase in life.

The real fear is deep rooted because I know that from here, it's only going to fly by faster.  Pretty soon I'm going to have to explain boys, the "mean" girls in school, sex, drugs, alcohol, peer pressure.  These are all things as mothers of young children we simply don't anticipate to come so quickly.  One moment we are complaining about diaper and bottle duty...the next, dropping them off for their first real day of school.

Mommies, soak in all the moments with those kiddos while you can...because as many times as I've heard it will fly by and be gone before you know it, I still wasn't ready for this day.  Imagine what a mess I'll be the first day of school!