Why I Left Preschool Crying...

This was going to be my “oh how sweet it is-my son just started preschool" post. That’s exactly what it would’ve read like if I had posted yesterday…like I had planned. During a very relaxing birthday lunch with my youngest son, Zealand, I decided I would ask Trina to switch days with me – and she did!  After picking up my Luke today, however, I have a different experience to write about.

Trina wrote about the grandiose visions of our children that we have in our minds in her post Unreasonable Expectations. Our kid will be the perfect one…they are the best, after all. On Monday night, I was filling out his preschool information sheet.  One of the questions asked “What do you feel your child does really well at?” Why, everything, of course. I mean, he’s outgoing, smart, compassionate, helpful, etc. I even mentioned they could pair up a shy student with him because he has leadership potential and his kind heart will let that other child know he really cares.

When I dropped him off that very first morning, he practically escorted me out of the room.  I promised I’d be back after quiet time to pick him up and he just waved “bye” with a excited smile on his face. When I came back to pick him up, right at two, he ran to my arms beaming. The teacher’s assistant came up to me and exclaimed how much fun Luke was and how sweet.  His daily sheet even said - and I quote - "MY OVERALL DAY WAS - with the following handwritten WONDERFUL!"  I was so proud!  We went out to celebrate his great behavior with some ice cream.

This morning when he found out he was going back to school, he threw his clothes on and was ready to walk out the door an hour before we had to leave.  Again, I kissed him good-bye and he scampered off to play with his classmates. 

At 2pm, I walked into his classroom.  His teacher smiled a soft smile and tired eyes.

I asked with a smile, “how was Luke today?” I knew the answer would be pretty much the same as yesterday. But, to my shock and dismay, she said, “he did better today.”  Better than fun and sweet and wonderful??

“What?” I asked. “I thought he did well yesterday.”

“Well, he had problems at naptime. He didn’t want to sleep and he wouldn’t sit still. He screams for you so loud he was disturbing the other classes.”

What??!!! My Luke?!

Seeing the tears form in my eyes, my face flushed, she reassured, “This is just the second day!  Don’t worry! We’ll get there!” She placed her hand on my shoulder.

I took my boys home, crying the whole way and wondering where I went wrong as a mom. Clueless as to how I could fix it.

Thank goodness for friends with older kids who have been through these experiences and witnessed their children growing up just fine. I’ve calmed down a bit and I’m ready to take this challenge for my boy who is a good boy! Just like all of us, he’s got some lessons to learn…and so do I!

Loving Yourself First

What does that mean exactly?  Me being the positive, the glass-is-half-full kinda girl - I'm drawn to sayings such as this one: love yourself first, and everything else will follow.  Okay, I get it...however more recently when I read this advice it was in a parenting article.

I thought to myself, okay; they must mean that by portraying love for myself, my child will be more apt to display similar habits and be more confident in general.  But, then I started thinking, as I often do. What about by loving myself, I'll then be more forgiving of my children, therefore more patient, kind....loving.  You get the point.

Or...what about this; love yourself first meaning, giving yourself enough time, whatever amount that is, to rejuvenate.  To be a better mother because you have real you time.  Allowing yourself to get back into that hobby, whether it be writing, drawing, painting...scrapbooking- even if it's just 30 minutes a day, an hour a week, whatever.  If you have more time for you, you'll make sure the time you have with your kids is quality time.  And overall, your family is a healthier, happier unit as a whole.

Or, what about taking care of yourself?  If you love yourself enough to say, I care about how I look, period.  I'm not going to let myself go as so many moms do.  I'm going to eat well, I'm going to excersice.  I'm going to wear makeup or do my hair, or whatever it is that I consider pretty.  I don't know about you, but I always feel better when I'm in better shape, when I've had time to shave my legs...dye those grays...etc.  Doesn't that make me a better mom?  Doesn't that teach my children to take care of themselves as well?

Or is loving yourself just simply saying, I'm good with where I'm at.  I've morphed into this wonderful woman, this great mother.  Yes, I'm not what I was in my 20's.  I'm frumpy some days, I'm carrying around an extra ten pounds, I don't have enough me time, and I don't really care if I have hair long enough on my legs to braid; hey, I'm just lucky if I get in a shower these days. 

I've determined I do love myself.  Maybe not first, but somewhere in the middle.  I'm also my biggest critic, which I'm painfully aware could pass down to my offspring, so while I'm working on this, it is a work in progress.  I think at the end of the day I believe loving yourself is more than just being confident.  It's knowing your flaws, and embracing the ones you can't or aren't willing to change; and working on the others.  It's also knowing your strengths, and while you don't have to flaunt them (yes, we all know a few too many self back-patters) you should use them to your advantage.  Acknowledge them.  Appreciate them more than you focus on the flaws.

For me, loving myself entails much of the above.  It's taking the time I need for me, to be a better mom.  It's having my own life, no matter how little time I actually get to spend enjoying it.  It's feeling love toward my children, and never resentment because I've found a true balance.  It's feeling good about how I look because I take pride in looking good.  I'm just not okay with frumpy, period.  Loving yourself first isn't about being selfish, it's about figuring out what makes you happy, and what makes you, you.  While it's different for everybody, it's much more than simply being confident.    ~ Trina