Your Kiddo Doesn't Like Preschool? Give It Time!

This is my 'oh how sweet it is-my son loves preschool' post. If you read my post back in August after Luke's second day of preschool, you'd see the beauty in that line.  My son LOVES preschool!

You see, this is a tale of IT DOES GET BETTER.  That afternoon mid-summer, was followed by a few weeks of him screaming and crying in the morning begging to stay home because he just didn't like preschool. They won't let me do everything I want to there! Astonishing as it may be for a 3-year-old to get used to having to obey anyone besides his parents.  They're making me sleep! 

I called my mom and my closest friends.  Most assured me that if we just stick with it and were firm about the fact that preschool is a part of his life and there was no way he was getting out of it. Some mentioned how he was just testing us to see if he could get his way and stay home.  A couple tried to convince me that Luke would never nap at school and maybe we should just throw in the towel until Kindergarten.

And, trust me, there were a few morning where his whining would hit a nerve and I'd question paying $295/month just to have him hate it.  But, I stuck with it and after four days off, he woke up one morning and asked if he got to go to preschool today. I answered that he didn't, but he would return the next day - a Tuesday.  He squealed with delight. "Yay! I can't wait to see all of my friends!!"

Here we are four weeks later -

"Hi Leah!" his teacher greets me with her hands on my sons shoulders. "He was so good today, as usual! <<NOTE: as usual>> He's always the first to participate. He's so smart!"

I beam.

"And he is so loving.  Just so kind to all of us and his classmates.  Very social!" She continues.

I beam.

"Mommy, I was a good boy again, today!"

I beam. Then I hug him tightly.

"I know honey, I'm so proud of you! Your teachers are so happy with you!"

The teacher's assistant adds, "and he laid down on his cot and before he knew it, he was fast asleep!"

"He napped, too!" I looked down at my son.  He was beaming.

And home we went.

I know there will be plenty of ups and downs as he grows and our schedules change; but let this be a lesson to all of us that things really do change!

Be patient. Be hopeful. Be positive.  

Have You Told Them You Loved Them Today?

I'm lucky enough to have a talented friend who takes my family pictures...and I wanted to share a few of them with all of you.  Seeing them reminds of how incredibly lucky I am to have a healthy, happy, whole family.

I get so upset by researching and learning about what goes on in our world when it comes to our precious children; what we do to one another has human beings.  It breaks my heart to know that God gave us this beautiful planet, and all these different, unique people to inhabit it with...and yet we have so much strife, murder and pain.  We've invited the devil to play on God's master piece of art, and now it's his playground as well.  It's depressing!

Although I can't change all the bad, I can keep writing, keep trying to make people aware, and most importantly, be thankful for what I have.  A beautiful,  happy and healthy family.

I'm making sure to give everyone a kiss and a squeeze today...and let them know just how much I love them.  Have you told your loved ones today how much you love and appreciate them?  Today, don't get caught up in what we can't change.  Let's celebrate in what we have!

~Trina

A Valentine's Ode To Us - The Fabulous Do-It-All Moms

In honor of Valentine’s Day, an ode to us – the fabulous, beautiful, amazing, do-it-all women that we are!

Imagine the following being spoken in the voice of the amazing Barry White!

Woman, you do it all.


From dawn til dusk
You never stop
Even when the sun sets
You’re still on top ;)


Our children wouldn’t survive 
If it weren’t for you, love
Brushing and baths 
We’d sure to be rid of


You take them to the doc
And the dentist too
We need to refinance?
It’s all on you!


You got nothing but time
When you’re home all day
During our kids’ long naptime
You can clean away 


Got milk? 
No? We’re out?
I’m sure you can stop 
It’ll be on your route


Once the kids go to bed
You are too sweet
To let me have the remote
Can you grab me a treat?


Uh huh, oh yeah
What’s that you say
Yes, I’m listening!
You were talking about your day


You’re laying in bed now
So relaxed and sweet
I bet I know just what you want
That’s my hand slippin’ under the sheet


I think to myself
As I close my eyes
You’re such a champion
I’m the luckiest of guys


Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day
I may actually forget
And if I do
Please let me admit


That I treasure and love you
For all that you do
You’ll know it from this verse
That I am lucky to have you

Circ. 2001 - True Love!  Awww!

If I don’t meet your expectations
When the tomorrow’s sun is set
Forgive me, I’m a man
But I’m forever in your debt.


I appreciate you!
Until we’re old and gray.
And if I don’t actually say it
Happy Valentine’s Day!


Dedicated to my sweet, appreciative, and loving husband-MY man-who really does try!  I love you!!

In The Eyes Of My Zealand - Happy 2nd Birthday, Baby!

If you've ever met my little Zealand, you know that this little guy lets very few things upset him.  He is almost always wearing a smile.  From the moment he was born, he has always seemed so happy.  Even under those bili lights, he seemed to chill under the light with his groovy shades on.  Even lately when his big brother throws a good blow to his back or on top of his thigh; he shrugs it off.  Maybe this is what it's like for all second-born children since they have a little less attention from their parents than the first born?  Maybe they just adapt to life with an older sibling always up in their business, after all, that's all they know.  But there is something about Zealand.  An aura.  A calm.  A true sense of wanting to learn from him.

I have had the thought so many times; he seems so wise.  He obviously knows the true secret to a fulfilling life.  While I can get so caught up and stressed about the little things in life.  I dream ahead and I see my Zealand being the kind of successful man who takes life as it comes and turns lemons into lemonades - all with only the best attitude!  He makes me want to be a better person.  On those tougher days, just to see him smile lets me know that things are actually really terrific!

My baby is turning two tomorrow.  He's talking more.  He pooped on the potty willingly - and so proud - twice this week.  His passion is in all things ball; football, basketball, soccerball.  "Ball?  Yeah?" he'll say. He gives the biggest hugs and says he loves me in an adorable and fleeting, "I la la" and gives me his heart.  He'll say hello to anyone and everyone, flashing his pearly whites!  He loves to listen to his dad play guitar.  He loves to try and play his brother's guitar.  He loves music.  He loves to play.  He just loves to be.  I love it all; and all of him.

Happy Birthday, my dear baby boy - Zealand Gabriel Beck Speer <3!

(The song I sing to him almost every night since he was about a month old.)
Zealand, oh, Zealand. 
I love my green-eyed baby.  
Zealand, oh, Zealand. 
I love you forever. 
Zealand, my baby, forever.


...I never said I was a songwriter ;)

:) Leah

Things We are Thankful For This Thanksgiving

Trina

I'm thankful first and foremost for a healthy, happy and whole family.  I gave birth to two absolutely perfect babies...beautiful and flawless.  In today's world, this itself is a miracle.

I'm thankful for a husband that is my best friend, for a partner that would rather spend time with his family than be out at the bars or with the "guys".

I'm thankful for the many successes I've seen in my lifetime.  Career-wise, I've always climbed and stayed at the top...and for my age...that's pretty amazing.

I'm thankful for inspiration that can only come from God...enthusiasm that can only be placed in me specially...

I'm thankful for meeting Leah, for a dream that has become a reality, for a hope that someday will actually transform into truth.

I'm thankful to be surrounded by fabulous friends; friends who would drop everything to be there for me, that support my crazy personality, my outlandish dreams...my wildly colorful imagination.  Anyone who is willing to to support me like they have; well they are amazing in themselves.

I am thankful for a family that has raised me to believe I can...and will do anything within my dreams.  Dream big!

And for IT ALL I thank God...for blessing me beyond measure or what I could possibly ever deserve.  Don't think for a moment I would give anyone but you first praise.  AMEN!

-------------------------------------------------------

Leah

I am thankful for my healthy and happy family.  My boys never cease to amaze and delight!  I have never felt such breathtaking love in my whole life!  I am so blessed to have a sweet and supportive husband who believes in family and is the best father!  And I'm just so thankful to have a man who stands by me through the crazy ups and downs that life loves to throw at us.  I am thankful for my amazing parents who I give credit to all of my successes in life.  And my little brother who is always just a phone call away!  For my friends (vintage and all) who listen to my zany ideas and tell me to go for it even when the boys are shouting in the background!  For Miss Trina who, in less than a year, has become a very close friend and confidant who probably knows what I'm thinking before I even think it...the best writing partner a girl could have!  And I'm thankful for "Stereo Hearts" featuring Adam Levine.  I am just so grateful of this life and where it's taking us.  And I am so thankful for all of you who follow our blog.  These last three months have been the most inspiring of my life!

Guilt Will Always Be There-Let Love Triumph!

“Stay at home or work.  It really doesn’t matter what you do…you’ll find a way to feel guilty about something either way. You just have to do what feels right to you and what works best for your family,” explains a very wise and dear friend of mine.  As we chat on the phone, I am staring out at the Space Needle from my luxurious, very quiet (aaah, I remember quiet) hotel room rubbing my almost-eight-months-pregnant belly. 

At the time, I wanted nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom.  It had been my dream, even after ten years of exciting business trips and extravagant meals at the best restaurants across the country.  But there didn’t seem to be a practical way to make it work with one salary and two mortgages (we were living in Maryland and still owned our home in South Carolina).  Yet, it made me feel better simply by hearing my old friend, a college sorority sister who I’ve always respected and seems to do motherhood seamlessly as a successful working mom, tell me that all moms feel guilty about something, some of the time. 

Three years later.  I know this to be true.  No matter what you try to do right for your family or your children (or yourself); guilt will sneak its way in.  These are just some of the ways guilty mom syndrome kicks in…

The Working Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever! I’m going to work hard today to teach my kids how successful you can be in life; while also making money so we can have what we need to succeed in life, and hey, even a Disney Vacation or two.

Her guilt: I should be home with my kids doing crafts, flipping through sight words index cards, making them a healthy, home-cooked lunch and kissing them at naptime.

The Stay-At-Home Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever! I’m going to spend so much one-on-one time with my children today and give them love and affection, teach them about the world, and make a craft out of fall leaves and paint.  We’ll run around the house using our imagination, laughing the day away.  I will make them a healthy, home-cooked lunch before I kiss them at naptime.

Her guilt: I don’t have time to cook these kids a healthy, home-cooked lunch…there are toys all over this place, paint all over the table and chairs, and I can’t even get them to sit still for one minute to do our flash cards.  What if I’m playing with them too much and they won’t learn how to play independently?  I feel so guilty for wanting it to be naptime! 

The Work-At-Home Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever!  I’m going to balance playing with my kiddos and working on my business plan.  I’ll take some time to prepare a healthy, home-cooked lunch and snuggle with them before their two-hour nap. After naptime, we’ll

Her guilt: I just spent thirty minutes playing doctor and being locked up in jail.  I painted with them earlier today.  We’re going to the playground after naptime.  Yet I feel bad when I do steal a few minutes to get on my laptop.  Sometimes I can get up to 15 minutes, the rest of the time I feel like I’m neglecting them since I’m not playing with them 24/7.  They’d be happier in preschool, learning and playing with other kids.  The day is ticking by and if I want to get any work done, we’ll have to settle for Spaghetti Os, a cheese stick and green beans.  I guess I can get some work done during naptime and there is always after bedtime.

So there it is moms; guilt in its finest.  You can try to do the right thing and be the best mom ever, but there is always a flip-side of the picture.  You’re either doing too much or too little. 

As Trina and I try to balance our family lives and our working lives with following our dreams to write and build our business, we are faced with guilt in every turn.  In fact, don’t be surprised to see us write about this very subject many times (see Trina’s post: Working Mommies, Let Go of the Guilt). We deal with this every day.  We know that the time, effort and long nights we put into our passion will eventually pay off.  But the guilt is a struggle.

What we have figured out is let the simple, beautiful moments-the ones that really matter-slay the guilt. When your child walks into the room and they can see the sparkle in your eyes that you’re truly happy to see them; with each meal shared with them; the attention you give them when they’re holding that invisible microphone and shaking their groove thing for their favorite audience; when they can feel your love as you hold them tight at night reading them their last bedtime story; with each kiss and I love you whispered in their ear.

Guilt will always be there…let love triumph!

How have you experienced guilt as a mommy?  Please share...knowing other moms feel this way can make us all feel just that much better!

A Letter To My Son On His Third Birthday

My son,

Today you are three.

Your passion and fire captivate me, while your tender heart compliments the whole of who you are becoming.

Luke, you are kind and full of love.  I see it so clearly in the impromptu hugs you tackle your little brother with or the tiny purple flowers you pick for your sweet little friend as you part ways at the playground.  The way you hug me so tight and tell me “you’re my best mommy in my whole, whole world” or the way your eyes light up when you see your daddy drive up from work.  Your excitement shows each night we Skype with your grandparents.

I delight in how you are so precise with your every single move.  The way you line up your Matchbox cars along the window sill.  How you run your “operating room” and have dad or I lay on the floor while you prepare for surgery as you handle each of your instruments one by one; concluding care with a rub on our foreheads as you tell us we’re “actually” going to be just fine.  How it is so rare that you get messy from a cupcake or a popsicle like most preschoolers can’t avoid.  You just take care.

You speak so well and your curiosity to learn encourages me to challenge you.  You point out punctuation and question everything.  You wonder.  You use your e-maj-uh-nay-shun.  With your innocent big smile, you aren’t shy to shout out a “hi” to everyone.  You miss your doggie Bailey; you love your doggie Yukon; and you wouldn’t miss a night without your doggie, whose only name-at almost three years old himself- is doggie.

Your emotions are powerful.  When you want something, you’ll fight for it.  When you disagree with something, you’ll argue it.  When you are sad to leave a group of friends or a super fun time, you are not afraid to throw down.   Bedtime-you’ll play it out until sleep finally wins.

You’ve designated your brother Zealand as “my ZZ” and you’ll jump at the chance to take away whatever toy he’s into at that moment, but you’re also quick to apologize when you get in trouble or to share with him a treat when you are given one.  You like green beans, spaghetti and meatballs, waffles, peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, ham and actually broccoli.   You’re not too fond of any type of potato, macaroni and cheese or rice.  Your favorite “special treats” these days are-to our fault and dismay- pop (that’s what your dad calls it, I call it soda) and gum (sugar-free, of course).       

You love to swim…be it the pool or the ocean.  And we have done so many things this year thanks to the amazing friends we’ve met.  Your first birthday parties, you were the first kid in the cockpit of a helicopter at an event-thanks to your dad, you were a pro this year at trick-or-treating, and you attended your first children’s theater production to which you yelled out to the cast throughout the show (in a good way!) as you smiled ear-to-ear and clapped at all the right parts.

I am so proud of the boy you are turning out to be.  I have cherished every moment of you.  The world is lucky to have you; as am I.  As are we, your family. 

I love you, my Luke.  ~mommy

I love you more than all of the fish in the sea.
You mean the whole world to me.
I love you, Luke.  Oh yes, I do. 
I love you.
I love you.
I do.

(I’ve been singing this song to him since he was just a few days old. Yes, I'm fully aware I am not a lyricist.  I do what works, people.  But I am proud that I came up with something and it stuck...and put him to sleep many-a-night.)

The Seven Year Itch

The million dollar question is: what makes the difference between the happy marriage and the so-so marriage.  And, how far from so-so are you to the miserable marriage?  Haven’t we all been there?  We said our vows with a smile on our face and determination etched in our minds.  We swore we’d never be the “ones” who failed; we’d succeed and why wouldn’t we?  We were in love!

I call it the seven year itch.  Only because a close friend of mine explained it.  She said, after seven years, you get the itch.  You get the itch to test out new waters, to question why you said your “I do’s”  in the first place; the itch to wonder period.

I remember, as a newlywed, looking at her like she was crazy.  The itch?  What the hell is she talking about?  I married the greatest guy in the world!  Duh…there would be no itch here, thank you very much!

Okay, Earth to Trina, you weren’t born on a perfect planet and you definitely aren’t going to die on one.  Your marriage, just like everyone else’s, is susceptible to pain, heartache, and many other problems.  But not failure.  There will be no failure here.

Two years went without a hitch, hooray!  I was still in newlywed bliss.  Three years? Ha, no serious issues here!  We’d be celebrating our 80^th before you know it! Five years…well, maybe a bit of “not enough sex” from the hubby and “he doesn’t help enough around the house” from me, but for the most part, marital bliss.  Year seven?  okay, now it’s time to re-evaluate.

Do I truly believe that there is a certain time frame that a marriage can fall into serious downturn?  No…that’s so a load of crap.  What I do believe is, we all disconnect from the marriage at some point, usually when we are comfortable and used to one another.  I’m not saying disconnect like in Indecent Proposal, where we take our marriage vows to some un-matrimonial place.  We just…leave for a while.  Mentally.

He will say “Once we got married, we stopped having sex as much”.  She will say, “Once we had children, I got exhausted.  And, you stopped cherishing me as much.”  He will say, “Well, if you stopped nagging me all the time, I would show you more appreciation and help you more,” and you will say,  “If you stopped being so lazy I’d stop nagging!”

It’s an endless cycle where we are all pissed-off, nobody is having sex, and none of us are really feeling the love for one another.  We’ve forgotten that at one time we were a team, and now we are on the opposing side rather than partners.  This, my friends, is the seven year itch.

I don’t have all the answers, the cure-alls; the fix-it’s.  All I know is, I try to find a babysitter when I feel so angry I think splitting up is actually somewhat reasonable.  It’s funny, it takes about an hour or two of no kids pulling on my clothes, interrupting my every word…and the quiet….and I’m back to my old self again, or at least, almost there.   My husband and I can talk and we actually have fun.  We realize, oh yes, there is a reason we like one another, we did fall in love at one time.

Ultimately, there will be ups and downs.  Wonderful times and the inevitable ruts.  Take each day one at a time, committing to make it through to the end.  Choosing this path will keep you one step closer to being on the positive side of that nasty divorce statistic.  I know that I’m going to be really saggy and gray at some point, probably sooner rather than later.  My husband loves me for me, even through the aging and frumpiness all mothers endure.  And even through the stressful times, I plan on loving him like that too.  Real life, plain and simple includes the good, the bad and the ugly.  

~Trina

Please Promise To - What We Provide Them With Today May Brighten The Path To Our Promises

Newborn

Mother - I promise to give you all the love and care you will ever need and more. 

Age 2

Mother - I promise you’ll have a great big grassy yard to play in.

Child – Please promise to spend quality time with me, whether it’s inside at home or outside at the park.    

Age 3 

Mother - I promise I’ll give you a little sister or brother.

Child – Please promise to have me socialize with other children my age and not just sit me in front of the television all day.      

Age 5

Mother - I promise you I’ll send you to the best school.

Child – Please promise to spend one-on-one time with me after school helping me with my homework and teaching me all that you know.

Age 10

Mother - I promise I’ll take you to Disney World.

Child – Please promise to really listen to me, support my interests and let me explore my independence.

Age 13

Mother - I promise I’ll buy you all the right clothes.

Child – Please promise to teach me to be confident in myself, no matter what I’m wearing.

Age 16

Mother - I promise I’ll buy you a car.

Child – Please promise to teach me how to save money and earn the things that I want to have.

Age 18

Mother - I promise I’ll send you to the University of your choosing.

Child – Please promise to carve a path for me to do well in school so I may earn scholarships to get me through college.

             

Mothers make a simple promise to their newborn - to love them and care for them, no matter what it takes.  It doesn’t take long, however, for more complicated hopes and dreams to take focus in our mind.  Yet, with unexpected economic heartbreak, career detours, and everyday challenges that life is sure to deliver-and does; some of the promises we make to our children may feel like illusions.

It is through our disappointments we must realize that if we’re providing our kids with the essentials of love and security, they will survive.  More than likely, if we are the type of mothers that even have these worries; these children will thrive.  Isn’t it true that what we’re already providing them is all they really need?

We can get so hung up on giving them all the bells and whistles- the best schools, mind-blowing vacations and the trendiest clothes, but what really matters are the simple times you spend with them and enjoying each moment in our today.