Read This ONLY If You Are A Mom Who Enjoys Wine!

Thank you so much for all the videos you sent in!  Now, we need your photos! 

If you have any pictures-or videos- of your children driving you crazy, throwing a fit, or even being sweet, etc. - we'd like to add those to our video montage!  Please send them by 9/7 to leah.speer@gmail.com. Thanks!!

You love to drink wine.

You are a mom.

You long for just a moment of relaxation and maybe a little fun.

WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Inspire other moms to kick back, pour a glass of wine and ESCAPE!

“How?” you ask.

Just get a 5 second to 30 second video (SO EASY WITH THAT iPHONE OF YOURS!) of yourself enjoying your favorite go-to after a long day. Whether it’s that tall glass of red or refreshing glass of white. Girls’ night out, book club, bunko (have all the girls in one shot smiling and having a FAB time) or just you and the hubs on the back patio (he’ll gladly take a quickie of you with his phone, Miss Hot Thang!). Just you and your snuggie and The Real Housewives of New York City? No problem! Flip your iPad around and get a snapshot of yourself caressing that glass of vino!

The team here at Must.Have.Wine. are producing a video montage (set to the Black Eyed Peas song “I Gotta Feeling”) that we are going to post on YouTubeand send to every online Mom Magazine we can reach. Obviously, our hope is that it’ll go viral and thus send millions of people to our website (it’s being redesigned as you read this) so that millions and millions will buy our book Must.Have.Wine. when it is published in mid-October.

Send your videos or snapshots to Leah at leah.speer@gmail.com or post in on our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/MustHaveWine/245052782182520?ref=hl

Just think, if it does go viral and they decide to show the clip on The Today Show, you can tell all your friends and family to look for you, you superstar!

DEADLINE TO BE A PART OF THIS EXTRAORDINARY EXPERIENCE September 7, 2012.

p.s. Extra bonus points if you are singing along to a part of the Black Eyed Peas song in your video!

"Me" Time - Right From The Start!

I'm not talking about a feeding schedule or sleep.

I'm talking about getting yourself some free time. Some alone time. Some me time.

Having your first baby is new for both you and your spouse. Adjustments need to be made. Here's my thought.  That very first Saturday after you bring baby home (unless you bring your baby home on Friday, maybe you should shoot for that 2nd Saturday), take the afternoon off.  Even if you have to pump out some milk for a feeding, get out by yourself. Hubby is going to need the one-on-one hands-on experience anyway, why not now?

The next Saturday, let your man go play golf guilt-free.

The following Saturday, it's your turn.  Go see a movie with your girlfriends.

You get the pattern?  If life as a parent starts off like this, then it's the norm.  OF COURSE, mom gets time for herself will just be how it is in your house.  Once your baby can be away from you longer, take more than the afternoon off.  And every other week you know it's your day.  Then you can go ahead and plan ahead for drinks with the ladies and your husband can do the same-no, not drinks with the ladies, but probably more golf.

If you're not a new mom and this plan sounds great to you, start it now! How can it be wrong if both mom and dad get time out.  Then he can't roll his eyes at you because you want a break - he just had his!  And maybe his idea of time off is laying on the couch all day watching golf.  Then that just means you take your kiddos to the park for a long afternoon and maybe a picnic.

They say it's about give and take.  So give him his and take yours and relax already!  ~ Leah

Vintage Girls – Moms Need Their Best Girlfriends (Repost)

Original Post Date 9-24-11

vin·tage girls [vin-tij gurlz] noun

1.      girlfriends representing the high quality of a past time.

“Don't forget your sisters. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters.”

One of my vintage girls sent that to me (as part of a longer email) exactly when I needed to read it; as if she had it stored in a folder marked “For Leah’s Next Crisis.” 

I get so swept up in the manic day-to-day life with two toddlers running from playdate to store to potty to doctor and finally home again that the only time I can seem to find time to call my vintage girls is when I’m in the car for that 15- to 25-minute drive to wherever I am headed.  Even when I’m at home, a phone call is pretty much me telling my kids “no, not now” and “here you go” and “don’t do that to your brother” while trying to listen to my friend.  I care.  I really,  really do!  In fact, I’d give just about anything to drop my kids off at the best preschool in town and meet up with that old friend for a cup of coffee and maybe split a vanilla bean cheesecake while we dish about our adorable little ones.  As many women experience in today’s transient world, it’s not always easy to do, especially when your vintage girls live in other states, across the country or even abroad.       

Memories of these girls rush in as random tidbits in the crazy hours of my every day.  They are my rock.  They knew me best before my husband met me.  They know all of my quirks and are often the only ones who can tell me what I’m thinking or open my eyes to my mistakes or let me know how close I am getting to my life goals, even if I’m too close to see it. 

They are the ones who were there for me. 

Vintage girls call you out when you moved to a new city and tried out a new, brass attitude.  Vintage girls stand in line with you at 6:00 a.m. in 22 degree weather for a chance to get free tickets to your favorite Broadway show.  Vintage girls drive cross-country with you when you move out west with all of your belongings shoved into a Cavalier because you read “White Oleander” in the midst of a cold New York City winter.  Vintage girls still believed in you even when you made mistakes.  Vintage girls cheer you on when you are found success. Vintage girls keep in touch with you no matter how far away you move from them.  

They are the ones who are there for me.

Vintage girls are the ones who will tell you it is okay to be exhausted and feel like you can’t do everything once you’re a mommy.  Vintage girls will tell you not to believe a word from that book about sleep schedules and your happy baby. Vintage girls will tell you, I’ve been there. Vintage girls will identify with your situation with your toddler and share a relatable story about their preschooler. Vintage girls will make time for you when you really need it.  Vintage girls will reach out.  Vintage girls have a story about their husbands that make you feel better about living with yours.  Vintage girls will let you cry.  Vintage girls get it.

They are the ones who will be there for me.

When my kids start kindergarten, I know my vintage girls will be the ones to remind me to cherish the memories of their younger years and to embrace the challenges and excitement of the rest of our lives.  When I get a call from a teacher or a coach, I know my vintage girls will stand by me to remind me that we all make mistakes and our kids will work it out for themselves and still be great people. When my kids go off to college, I know my vintage girls will be there to fill the empty space and time – even if it means an all-expense paid trip to Turks and Caicos.  <wink><wink> When I’m in my retirement years and need a reminder of who I was and who I still want to be, I will turn to my vintage girls.

My vintage girls. The girlfriends I cherish, trust and love with all of my heart. Drinking a little wine tonight?  Raise a glass to that, sisters!

National Moms Relaxation Day - A Day of Pure Indulgence

We asked our Facebook fans a couple of days ago: What is YOUR idea of relaxation?? My friend Cayce  made us laugh with the familiarity of “A shower that lasts longer than a minute and a half.”  Sometimes our miniscule potty breaks are the only time we get alone in a day. But we need more!  It’s not just that we want more - (attention husbands, this is directed to you!) we really do NEED more!

Finding time for ourselves will make us feel better.  It’ll make us better moms; better wives; better friends. Do you remember all the things you used to really enjoy doing before you had kids.  Now is the time to reconnect with yourself and be you again…if even for an hour a day.

When I speak of finding time for yourselves, I’m not talking about the 30 minutes your hubs takes the kiddos out for ice cream and you scrub the floors.  I’m not talking about the 2-3 hours after the kids go to bed that you decide to get some work done. This isn’t the time to gather all the photos you’ve taken of your cute little babies and put them into photo albums. I’m not even talking about the hour you are gifted to sleep in one fine morning.

I’m talking about guiltless, shameless, pure indulgent YOU time.  Go to the cinema and see that new movie! Call up a girlfriend and meet her for cocktails and an app. Go for a jog and find a bench with a view and relax to your favorite tunes on your iPhone before you jog back.  DO go get your nails done - mani AND pedi, girl, you deserve it! Have a grown up conversation with your mom while sipping on white wine and nibbling on fine cheese at a local winery. If your parents pick up the kids, curl up on your couch with a cup of tea and read To Kill A Mockingbird …or the latest in housewife erotica.

I know it’s hard to find the time to devote to yourself, but it’s necessary.  Could you imagine if there was a holiday devoted to the indulgence and relaxation of all moms?  Sure, Mother’s Day already exists, tis true.  But, I think most of us enjoy that day with our dear families. But why not a day just for us?  A National Moms Relaxation Day, if you will.  Your family would greet you in the morning with a card inscribed: Enjoy your day, mom. You deserve it! We love you! And off you go to meet your girlfriends, or lay by the pool with a People magazine, or go to the spa…you get the idea. So tell us, how would you celebrate National Moms Relaxation Day?

Meeting Other Moms – Like Picking Up Dudes Back in Our Singleton Days?

Two of my Charleston besties, Susie and Sam!

Have you ever noticed how similar meeting other moms is to meeting guys back in our singleton days?  I realized this when I first moved to Charleston almost two years ago. Luckily, I found a group of moms I connected with so well, I didn’t worry about looking anymore.  I was no longer on the market.  Other moms at the park were just “the others”.  I had my besties in Charleston.

Now that I find myself in a new town with two young boys and endless parks and playgrounds, I want someone to share my time with.  Someone who will make me laugh.  Someone who I can chat with about mothering, movies (ha! Like I’ve seen any new releases in the last several months!), favorite restaurants, dieting, reality TV and, of course, Oprah.

About six weeks ago, how long have I lived here in Florida anyway???, I discovered Destin’s one, and only, Chick-fil-A.  It’s about a fifteen minute drive from my home, not unlike many of the outings I’d travel to in Mt. Pleasant when I did live in the Charleston area. But this Chick-fil-A is a mom magnet!  A good mom magnet, mostly! And it’s a haven for a mom with two rambunctious boys who like to find an escape route from any and all playgrounds…this playland has only one way in and one way out.  And spacious, laptop-ready, shaded picnic tables!

This particular day this week was not unlike each day I’ve spent there over the last several weeks.

I spot her first. Or I think I do. She’s cute.  Stylish! She has equal to or more kids than I, so I know she’ll “get” me. We smile at one another. Finally, one of us gets enough nerve to speak up.

“How old is your little cutie?”

“Three-and-a-half. How about your little girl?  How old is that precious doll?”  See, we're both trying to impress with flattery!

“Just turned four.”

Cool.  We’ve got kiddos close to the same age. 

“Do you live here?” Remember, we live in a highly touristy town-so this is a mandatory question!

“Yes, we moved here a couple of years ago.  We’re Air Force. You?”

“We just moved here a couple of months ago.  It’s great!”

“Yeah, it is.”

Quiet.

That uncomfortable silence.  We both pick up our phones.  I’m checking my e-mail, trying desperately to be cool.  I glance up, she’s looking up.  Good, maybe she’s interested.

“Where did you move here from?” She’s asking me this!  Yay, she wants to talk!

“Charleston, South Carolina.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful there!”

“Yes, it is!  We really enjoyed it there!  But it’s gorgeous here!”

And over the next 20 – 30 minutes we talk about our kids and schools and friends and church and other playgrounds in the area.

“Emma Jane, 5 more minutes and we have to go pick up your sister.”

That’s when the panic sets in.  Do I ask for her number?  Will she ask for mine?  We’ve got cell phones now, we can easily type it in.  No pens or paper needed.  What if I never see her again!

We chat a few minutes more. 

“Emma Jane, put on your shoes please.  It’s time to go.”

I decide I’m not going to ask for her number- that’d be desperate.

“Thank you so much for all the tips you’ve given me on this area.  I can’t wait to start checking out preschools!”  I say, a little too peppy.

“Absolutely!  We’re here every week, usually Mondays or Thursdays.  I’m sure we’ll see you again!  It was nice to meet you!  Emma Jane, let’s go.”

And she warmly says good-bye. We tell our kids to say good-bye to one another too.  They leave.

I feel good about this one.  She was sincere.  Sweet.  Whose got time for numbers anyway with raising our kids!  I pack up my boys and we head out to our car.  My son says, “when are we going to see Emma Jane again?” 

“Soon, baby. Soon.” And I say this with great faith. 

p.s. Did you know you can turn in your unopened "toy" from the kids meal and swap it for a small ice cream.  May be at participating stores, but it worked at ours in Destin.  Yum!

Advice From Books or Friends - Who Do You Trust More?

Happiest Baby On The Block? 

I laughed the other day with a good friend from college.  We were remembering a call I made to her a little over three years ago.  I was crying to her after I finally got a two-week-old Luke down for a nap.  “He’s not the happiest baby on the block! What am I doing wrong?! I’ve read the book cover to cover.  I’m sticking to their schedule. But he’s still waking up too early for his feeding and I can’t just let him cry and not eat if he’s hungry!” She laughed at me.  Yep, straight up, no holds barred, laughed at me which immediately shocked me out of my upset. This mother of three under the age of ten knew better.  “You cannot use any of these books as the end-all, be-all. Every child is different. Every home is different!” Another friend got so mad when I told her how I was feeling that she yelled into the phone that she wished these books didn’t exist at all.  That they seem to frustrate everyone rather than help.  “That’s what we’re here for! Your friends who have been through it!”  She went on to give me the same advice about each child being different and to go with my instinct.

Luke - Sweetly Sleeping

After having two sons back to back (14 ½ months apart), I can really appreciate that each and every child has his or her own way of doing things. Their own schedule. Luke would eat alittle and then sleep a little.  Then eat a little more and sleep a little more.  Zealand would eat and eat and then sleep hard.  Then wake up and eat like he hadn’t eaten in hours! Luke was vocal if he barely wet his diaper, when he was cold or too warm, anything that made him uncomfortable.  Zealand seemed to just chill.  It’s just who they were and indeed, who they are today.

Little Zealand - Chillin' with a smile

If you’re an expectant mom, a new mom or even a veteran mom reading up on each new stage of child rearing, take it from me and read the books out there.  But use these books as guides and follow your heart.  Do what feels right to you and what is right for your family. No book can tell you exactly what to do in every situation for each individual child. Although, I was always looking for that book. Often times your girlfriends do have the advice that will guide you through your experiences. So go ahead and give your girls a call!

Bros with their daddy-o

Teach Your Children Respect and Expect No Less!

“Luke’s been pretty bossy lately,” I said.  My girlfriends nodded, empathetically – they’ve all been there at some time in some way. “I keep trying to tell him that he can’t tell us “no” and he most certainly cannot talk back. He seriously thinks he’s running the show at home.” I took a gulp of my Azunia Fresh Lime Margarita, I knew with the first sip that I was glad I ordered that instead of my usual cerveza.  Then Sam spoke up, “Isn’t he running your house? Three-year-olds think they run the show.  It’s about respect. If you teach him that it is what is expected of him-don’t bargain with him. Be consistent and keep at it.  He will learn.” 

It was if the clouds in the sky parted and the sun was finally able to shine through.  I even heard harps playing. Respect.  Of course!  I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been raising him with respect.  I’m a very respectful mom, letting him voice his opinions and make choices in his day; even allowing him to wear his Batman shirt for the 5th day in a row. I guess it’s that I hadn’t thought he needed to be taught respect.  As he’s growing, sometimes it just seems like he’s catching on to so much automatically that I think he should just know instinctively how to be.  Don’t they know they should always be kind and giving and respectful and helpful?  That its just good to be that way?  But, they only know what they see and can only grow if someone is showing them the way.

So I started reading up on respect (10 Tips onTeaching Respect to Children: You can't get it if you don't give it! and Talking back: Why it happens andwhat to do about it) and I stopped letting things slide.  We can have such long days when we’re home with the kiddos.  Until lately, after the 7th time of “No, I don’t want to!” I’m tired of dealing with it and just throw my hands up and try to distract him without teaching him!  But I can’t give up!  I need to work on this through the 14th “No!” and then maybe tomorrow there will only be 7.  And the next day 4.  When finally one day he’s not saying it anymore.

Another friend of mine said so bluntly, “If you don’t change this behavior now, you’ll have a back-talking, sassy 15-year-old who really is running your house.” With that said, I’m on a mission.  I will have children who respect my husband and I because we treat them with respect and expect (another key word – teach expectations) no less from them.  We will be those parents who can just give them the look when we’re out in public to keep them in line.  And hopefully, they will be those kids who will enjoy our company as they get older because we have seen them and treated them as people, the amazing individuals that they are.

In the meantime, we have a lot of modeling and teaching to do.  In the course, this will make me a better person because I have to keep my own temper in check and keep calm even in a chaotic day.  I will keep reading about how to teach respect and provide positive discipline.  I will meet up with my girlfriends often (not only providing relief and relaxation – but advice that can just bring a turning point into your child-rearing world).  As Dr. Robyn Silverman wrote,

“Teaching respect takes patience, time and willingness to do as you preach. Time isn’t everything though, is it? It takes years to rear a respectful child and only moments to fill one with anger and disrespect. Which one do you choose?”