Your Kiddo Doesn't Like Preschool? Give It Time!

This is my 'oh how sweet it is-my son loves preschool' post. If you read my post back in August after Luke's second day of preschool, you'd see the beauty in that line.  My son LOVES preschool!

You see, this is a tale of IT DOES GET BETTER.  That afternoon mid-summer, was followed by a few weeks of him screaming and crying in the morning begging to stay home because he just didn't like preschool. They won't let me do everything I want to there! Astonishing as it may be for a 3-year-old to get used to having to obey anyone besides his parents.  They're making me sleep! 

I called my mom and my closest friends.  Most assured me that if we just stick with it and were firm about the fact that preschool is a part of his life and there was no way he was getting out of it. Some mentioned how he was just testing us to see if he could get his way and stay home.  A couple tried to convince me that Luke would never nap at school and maybe we should just throw in the towel until Kindergarten.

And, trust me, there were a few morning where his whining would hit a nerve and I'd question paying $295/month just to have him hate it.  But, I stuck with it and after four days off, he woke up one morning and asked if he got to go to preschool today. I answered that he didn't, but he would return the next day - a Tuesday.  He squealed with delight. "Yay! I can't wait to see all of my friends!!"

Here we are four weeks later -

"Hi Leah!" his teacher greets me with her hands on my sons shoulders. "He was so good today, as usual! <<NOTE: as usual>> He's always the first to participate. He's so smart!"

I beam.

"And he is so loving.  Just so kind to all of us and his classmates.  Very social!" She continues.

I beam.

"Mommy, I was a good boy again, today!"

I beam. Then I hug him tightly.

"I know honey, I'm so proud of you! Your teachers are so happy with you!"

The teacher's assistant adds, "and he laid down on his cot and before he knew it, he was fast asleep!"

"He napped, too!" I looked down at my son.  He was beaming.

And home we went.

I know there will be plenty of ups and downs as he grows and our schedules change; but let this be a lesson to all of us that things really do change!

Be patient. Be hopeful. Be positive.  

Old Friends and Road Trippin

I have to say, there's something about going home.  Of course, I've said it in posts before.  You roll into town, you smell those familiar smells, see the familiar sights.  You notice new things too; a business that's now in Mr. Edwards old music shop.  A coffee shop that fills an old vacant rental.  An old building that's sporting a new, bright color of paint.  Home sweet home.

The 18 hour drive to Washington for labor day weekend went pretty well.  We stopped in Twin Falls, Idaho which is halfway, and the kids did great.  Once we got to Washington, the craziness began.  I'm one of those people that makes friends pretty easily.  Or at least, I used to.  So in my hometown, it's always a madhouse of seeing a thousand people I know I must see, and then missing a thousand more that I wished I could've seen and seem to miss every year.  By the end of the trip, I need a vacation from the vacation.  But, I always have a good time.

The main purpose of this trip was my friend Laura's 30th birthday.  Anyone who knows Laura knows that she absolutely tops the list of people to party with.  You want to have the most amazing time in your life?  Invite Laura!  She's the one break dancing, getting everyone out on the floor- regardless if they can dance or not, telling jokes that only she can really tell, insisting we need one more shot, or at least, participating in the madness and making what would usually be your run-of-the mill party be the even of the year.  I always beg her, "can drunk Laura come out and play tonight?".  There's even one point on her birthday where she put a stool out on the dance floor and jumped it.  Laura's like 5'' okay.  She jumped a chair!

Spending the evening with Laura reminded me of how much I miss her!  She's that friend I've had since sixth grade.  She knows me better than anyone.  And everytime we hang up the phone, we can wait for months, and pick right back up where we left off.  There's something about someone who knows you inside and out, someone that when preparing for her birthday party; you can pull out years and years worth of photos and see how you've changed and grown throughout the years, together.

I was blessed enough to spend time with several friends - old and new.  My friend Julia came up for a night and went to the rodeo with me - even though it was pure torture for her because I'm running around seeing everyone I know from a town I'd grew up in, constantly leaving her by herself.  One of my old besties Kyle came to the rodeo with his wife and I got to hang out with them too.  I can't name everyone - but I saw many people I was excited about - and many I wish I could have spent more time with.

A friend I've had since gradeschool, Jessica Grigg, came to the rodeo with us as well one night.  She's another one you can pick right up where you left off with and not miss a beat. Back in middle school, we used to go to the rodeo every year on Friday and Saturday night.  We used to listen to Chris Ledoux and dress up in hideously tight wranglers and boots with huge belt buckles and "pre-funk" prior to heading to the rodeo.  After the rodeo, Chris Ledoux had a concert every year and we never missed one.  It's a tradition I miss, even now - years later.  It was fun for us to get to go to the rodeo together and then to have drinks behind the chutes (not having to worry about fake ID's mind you or getting caught by the array of people you've grown up with that know you're entirely too young to be drinking).  And while I got home entirely too late that night...it was an evening I won't forget!

By the time my kids and I got the strain of cold that was going around and feeling a bit better, it was time to pack up and head home.  Clayton had a a double ear infection (I found out the following monday) and hadn't slept as well as he did at home, so I decided for the first time in my life to drive the full 17-hour drive in one day.

There's something about when I get determined to do something.  There's not one person in this world who can stop me.  Sure, I'm usually laid back and go with the flow.  But when I want something, watch out...I'll go to all measures to get it.  And, I wanted to be home.  Everyone, including my husband, thought I should stop halfway.  And, I did think about the drive to Washington, and how ready I was by the time I got to Twin Falls, to get out of the car.  But I also knew that I'd set my mind to just that-getting to Twin Falls.

So I left around 7:00 a.m. or so that Saturday and knew, I'd be driving to Rifle, CO, that night.  And, I did.  With a sick child who had to be double-dosed with medicine, and and exhausted little girl who had done her best to help her mama the entire trip and the drive home with her baby brother.  That Callie-girl, she's special.  It didn't matter how many times Clayton threw his pacifier in a fit of sickly rage, she would calmly unstrap, get down, get it for him, or plug in his TV, or get his toy- whatever to make the poor boy stop crying, then get back in her carseat and strap back in.  We made it home around 2a.m. mountain time and I crashed...after deciding that if I could do that, well...I could do anything I set my mind to.

While I had a great time and loved every minute of being back home - it was like every trip.  Nice to see everyone, but I'm so glad to get home - my true home.  ~ Trina

Vintage Girls – Moms Need Their Best Girlfriends (Repost)

Original Post Date 9-24-11

vin·tage girls [vin-tij gurlz] noun

1.      girlfriends representing the high quality of a past time.

“Don't forget your sisters. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters.”

One of my vintage girls sent that to me (as part of a longer email) exactly when I needed to read it; as if she had it stored in a folder marked “For Leah’s Next Crisis.” 

I get so swept up in the manic day-to-day life with two toddlers running from playdate to store to potty to doctor and finally home again that the only time I can seem to find time to call my vintage girls is when I’m in the car for that 15- to 25-minute drive to wherever I am headed.  Even when I’m at home, a phone call is pretty much me telling my kids “no, not now” and “here you go” and “don’t do that to your brother” while trying to listen to my friend.  I care.  I really,  really do!  In fact, I’d give just about anything to drop my kids off at the best preschool in town and meet up with that old friend for a cup of coffee and maybe split a vanilla bean cheesecake while we dish about our adorable little ones.  As many women experience in today’s transient world, it’s not always easy to do, especially when your vintage girls live in other states, across the country or even abroad.       

Memories of these girls rush in as random tidbits in the crazy hours of my every day.  They are my rock.  They knew me best before my husband met me.  They know all of my quirks and are often the only ones who can tell me what I’m thinking or open my eyes to my mistakes or let me know how close I am getting to my life goals, even if I’m too close to see it. 

They are the ones who were there for me. 

Vintage girls call you out when you moved to a new city and tried out a new, brass attitude.  Vintage girls stand in line with you at 6:00 a.m. in 22 degree weather for a chance to get free tickets to your favorite Broadway show.  Vintage girls drive cross-country with you when you move out west with all of your belongings shoved into a Cavalier because you read “White Oleander” in the midst of a cold New York City winter.  Vintage girls still believed in you even when you made mistakes.  Vintage girls cheer you on when you are found success. Vintage girls keep in touch with you no matter how far away you move from them.  

They are the ones who are there for me.

Vintage girls are the ones who will tell you it is okay to be exhausted and feel like you can’t do everything once you’re a mommy.  Vintage girls will tell you not to believe a word from that book about sleep schedules and your happy baby. Vintage girls will tell you, I’ve been there. Vintage girls will identify with your situation with your toddler and share a relatable story about their preschooler. Vintage girls will make time for you when you really need it.  Vintage girls will reach out.  Vintage girls have a story about their husbands that make you feel better about living with yours.  Vintage girls will let you cry.  Vintage girls get it.

They are the ones who will be there for me.

When my kids start kindergarten, I know my vintage girls will be the ones to remind me to cherish the memories of their younger years and to embrace the challenges and excitement of the rest of our lives.  When I get a call from a teacher or a coach, I know my vintage girls will stand by me to remind me that we all make mistakes and our kids will work it out for themselves and still be great people. When my kids go off to college, I know my vintage girls will be there to fill the empty space and time – even if it means an all-expense paid trip to Turks and Caicos.  <wink><wink> When I’m in my retirement years and need a reminder of who I was and who I still want to be, I will turn to my vintage girls.

My vintage girls. The girlfriends I cherish, trust and love with all of my heart. Drinking a little wine tonight?  Raise a glass to that, sisters!

Meeting Other Moms – Like Picking Up Dudes Back in Our Singleton Days?

Two of my Charleston besties, Susie and Sam!

Have you ever noticed how similar meeting other moms is to meeting guys back in our singleton days?  I realized this when I first moved to Charleston almost two years ago. Luckily, I found a group of moms I connected with so well, I didn’t worry about looking anymore.  I was no longer on the market.  Other moms at the park were just “the others”.  I had my besties in Charleston.

Now that I find myself in a new town with two young boys and endless parks and playgrounds, I want someone to share my time with.  Someone who will make me laugh.  Someone who I can chat with about mothering, movies (ha! Like I’ve seen any new releases in the last several months!), favorite restaurants, dieting, reality TV and, of course, Oprah.

About six weeks ago, how long have I lived here in Florida anyway???, I discovered Destin’s one, and only, Chick-fil-A.  It’s about a fifteen minute drive from my home, not unlike many of the outings I’d travel to in Mt. Pleasant when I did live in the Charleston area. But this Chick-fil-A is a mom magnet!  A good mom magnet, mostly! And it’s a haven for a mom with two rambunctious boys who like to find an escape route from any and all playgrounds…this playland has only one way in and one way out.  And spacious, laptop-ready, shaded picnic tables!

This particular day this week was not unlike each day I’ve spent there over the last several weeks.

I spot her first. Or I think I do. She’s cute.  Stylish! She has equal to or more kids than I, so I know she’ll “get” me. We smile at one another. Finally, one of us gets enough nerve to speak up.

“How old is your little cutie?”

“Three-and-a-half. How about your little girl?  How old is that precious doll?”  See, we're both trying to impress with flattery!

“Just turned four.”

Cool.  We’ve got kiddos close to the same age. 

“Do you live here?” Remember, we live in a highly touristy town-so this is a mandatory question!

“Yes, we moved here a couple of years ago.  We’re Air Force. You?”

“We just moved here a couple of months ago.  It’s great!”

“Yeah, it is.”

Quiet.

That uncomfortable silence.  We both pick up our phones.  I’m checking my e-mail, trying desperately to be cool.  I glance up, she’s looking up.  Good, maybe she’s interested.

“Where did you move here from?” She’s asking me this!  Yay, she wants to talk!

“Charleston, South Carolina.”

“Oh, it’s beautiful there!”

“Yes, it is!  We really enjoyed it there!  But it’s gorgeous here!”

And over the next 20 – 30 minutes we talk about our kids and schools and friends and church and other playgrounds in the area.

“Emma Jane, 5 more minutes and we have to go pick up your sister.”

That’s when the panic sets in.  Do I ask for her number?  Will she ask for mine?  We’ve got cell phones now, we can easily type it in.  No pens or paper needed.  What if I never see her again!

We chat a few minutes more. 

“Emma Jane, put on your shoes please.  It’s time to go.”

I decide I’m not going to ask for her number- that’d be desperate.

“Thank you so much for all the tips you’ve given me on this area.  I can’t wait to start checking out preschools!”  I say, a little too peppy.

“Absolutely!  We’re here every week, usually Mondays or Thursdays.  I’m sure we’ll see you again!  It was nice to meet you!  Emma Jane, let’s go.”

And she warmly says good-bye. We tell our kids to say good-bye to one another too.  They leave.

I feel good about this one.  She was sincere.  Sweet.  Whose got time for numbers anyway with raising our kids!  I pack up my boys and we head out to our car.  My son says, “when are we going to see Emma Jane again?” 

“Soon, baby. Soon.” And I say this with great faith. 

p.s. Did you know you can turn in your unopened "toy" from the kids meal and swap it for a small ice cream.  May be at participating stores, but it worked at ours in Destin.  Yum!

The Dos And Don'ts of Moving With Young Kids

Tomorrow, my family and I will celebrate one week in our new home!  One week!  Oh, but this means so much more than it looks right now as I read it on my computer screen.  Let's be real, though. It's been 20 days since we've begun this journey we call moving. (I won't count the five weeks of preparation that preceded said move.)  

In between several meltdowns this week, many of my friends have quoted to me that moving is one of the top stresses in life.  And I've found that to be quite true.  Especially with two little ones in tow.  So I want to share a little of what I learned and help anyone else out there who may one day make a move with one or two or more of their young children.  Help me, help you. 

*This written for a move requiring a relocation by car more than five hours from where you were living, with no family (moms, dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles) in either location, and on a smart family budget. 

DON'T have your kids around on moving day.  Hire a babysitter on moving day. This may change the whole stress level of your entire move.  Had we hired a babysitter or even sent our kiddos to a friend's house that last day, we could've saved many tears and changed the tone of the move.  No matter how much you think you've done to be ahead of schedule, there is just so much to do that last day.  It isn't fair to your kids, to have them hang around with no chance of staying "out of the way" the entire day...much less an hour.  I can almost guarantee you'll also get double the amount of packing, loading and cleaning done without having them at your feet.  

DO explain to your kids in advance that you will be moving soon so that they have time to get used to the idea (as much as they can in their little minds).  This will also give them a better understanding of the big picture when it comes time to say good-bye to their friends.  If you're moving to a new state, buy a book about that state and be excited about the new place when you read it.  Share with your child all the cool things you know about the new place, including pictures of your new house if you have them. 

DO take your time on the drive. Roll the windows down (if it's nice, of course) and crank up some good ol' James Taylor and enjoy the drive.  Stop every couple of hours and let your kids run around.  I have a friend who advised to stop for lunch at a place with a playland and let the kids run wild.  Then have them eat in the car.  You get a little break and they get some much-needed fun.  And this may result in a nice long nap for them!

DON'T let your kids see you sweat.  You will be stressed throughout your move. You will want to snap at your children when your mind is running down the list of one million things you need to do in a short amount of time in order to get settled.  But you've got time.  Make a list of what needs to be done and set each with a priority level.  Some things really don't need to be done right away.  Some things do.  Decide and stay cool!

DO take time each day that you're settling to get the kids out of the house.  Whether its to the local playground or out for an ice cream cone. I know you want to stay inside and get things done, but you will appreciate the break too.  And their smiles will make it worth it!

DON'T worry if you want to fall asleep at 8:00pm instead of staying up past their bedtime to get even more done.  Sleep.  Everything will still be there tomorrow and you'll be better off if you do!

DO make sure you keep their favorite comfort item with them the entire way from the last packing day, the road trip, the hotel stay and move-in day.  Whenever they get a little insecure or nervous about all the change, they'll know that not everything is changing.

DON'T feel bad if you are feeling so much on your shoulders! Take a deep breath.  Take it one day at a time.  You will be settled soon enough. 

DO kiss and hug and cuddle your children often through this journey. Make them smile and laugh.  Remind them that you love them and that you are not going anywhere...you will always be by their side!

DO get out and have fun as a family that first night. Celebrate! Remember, this is an exciting new adventure!

DO call your friends and cry to them when you are feeling overwhelmed.  If your friends* are anything like mine, you will feel 100% relieved after you talk to them and it'll save your husband and your kids from seeing you upset!

And finally, and maybe most importantly...

DO have lots of wine on hand.  If you need a glass at naptime, so be it.  If a glass at 4pm right before the hubs gets home from work, go for it.  You will be amazed at how one glass of wine can take your stress level from a raging 10 to a happy and mellow 2.  

*For all of you who have listened to me this week, who are always there for me, I thank you and love you!  

The Seven Year Itch

The million dollar question is: what makes the difference between the happy marriage and the so-so marriage. And, how far from so-so are you to the miserable marriage? Haven’t we all been there? We said our vows with a smile on our face and determination etched in our minds. We swore we’d never be the “ones” who failed; we’d succeed and why wouldn’t we? We were in love!

I call it the seven year itch. Only because a close friend of mine explained it. She said, after seven years, you get the itch. You get the itch to test out new waters, to question why you said your “I do’s” in the first place; the itch to wonder period.

I remember, as a newlywed, looking at her like she was crazy. The itch? What the hell is she talking about? I married the greatest guy in the world! Duh…there would be no itch here, thank you very much!

Okay, Earth to Trina, you weren’t born on a perfect planet and you definitely aren’t going to die on one. Your marriage, just like everyone else’s, is susceptible to pain, heartache, and many other problems. But not failure. There will be no failure here.

Two years went without a hitch, hooray! I was still in newlywed bliss. Three years? Ha, no serious issues here! We’d be celebrating our 80^th before you know it! Five years…well, maybe a bit of “not enough sex” from the hubby and “he doesn’t help enough around the house” from me, but for the most part, marital bliss.
Year seven? okay, now it’s time to re-evaluate.

Do I truly believe that there is a certain time frame that a marriage can fall into serious downturn? No…that’s so a load of crap. What I do believe is, we all disconnect from the marriage at some point, usually when we are comfortable and used to one another. I’m not saying disconnect like in Indecent Proposal, where we take our marriage vows to some un-matrimonial place. We just…leave for a while. Mentally.

He will say “Once we got married, we stopped having sex as much”. She will say, “Once we had children, I got exhausted. And, you stopped cherishing me as much.” He will say, “Well, if you stopped nagging me all the time, I would show you more appreciation and help you more,” and you will say, “If you stopped being so lazy I’d stop nagging!”

It’s an endless cycle where we are all pissed-off, nobody is having sex, and none of us are really feeling the love for one another. We’ve forgotten that at one time we were a team, and now we are on the opposing side rather than partners. This, my friends, is the seven year itch.

I don’t have all the answers, the cure-alls; the fix-it’s. All I know is, I try to find a babysitter when I feel so angry I think splitting up is actually somewhat reasonable. It’s funny, it takes about an hour or two of no kids pulling on my clothes, interrupting my every word…and the quiet….and I’m back to my old self again, or at least, almost there. My husband and I can talk and we actually have fun. We realize, oh yes, there is a reason we like one another, we did fall in love at one time.

Ultimately, there will be ups and downs. Wonderful times and the inevitable ruts. Take each day one at a time, committing to make it through to the end. Choosing this path will keep you one step closer to being on the positive side of that nasty divorce statistic. I know that I’m going to be really saggy and gray at some point, probably sooner rather than later. My husband loves me for me, even through the aging and frumpiness all mothers endure. And even through the stressful times, I plan on loving him like that too. Real life, plain and simple includes the good, the bad and the ugly.

~Trina

Original Post November 1, 2011

Vintage Girls – Moms Need Their Best Girlfriends

vin·tage girls [vin-tij gurlz] noun

1.      girlfriends representing the high quality of a past time.

“Don't forget your sisters. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters.”

One of my vintage girls sent that to me (as part of a longer email) exactly when I needed to read it; as if she had it stored in a folder marked “For Leah’s Next Crisis.” 

I get so swept up in the manic day-to-day life with two toddlers running from playdate to store to potty to doctor and finally home again that the only time I can seem to find time to call my vintage girls is when I’m in the car for that 15- to 25-minute drive to wherever I am headed.  Even when I’m at home, a phone call is pretty much me telling my kids “no, not now” and “here you go” and “don’t do that to your brother” while trying to listen to my friend.  I care.  I really,  really do!  In fact, I’d give just about anything to drop my kids off at the best preschool in town and meet up with that old friend for a cup of coffee and maybe split a vanilla bean cheesecake while we dish about our adorable little ones.  As many women experience in today’s transient world, it’s not always easy to do, especially when your vintage girls live in other states, across the country or even abroad.       

Memories of these girls rush in as random tidbits in the crazy hours of my every day.  They are my rock.  They knew me best before my husband met me.  They know all of my quirks and are often the only ones who can tell me what I’m thinking or open my eyes to my mistakes or let me know how close I am getting to my life goals, even if I’m too close to see it. 

They are the ones who were there for me. 

Vintage girls call you out when you moved to a new city and tried out a new, brass attitude.  Vintage girls stand in line with you at 6:00 a.m. in 22 degree weather for a chance to get free tickets to your favorite Broadway show.  Vintage girls drive cross-country with you when you move out west with all of your belongings shoved into a Cavalier because you read “White Oleander” in the midst of a cold New York City winter.  Vintage girls still believed in you even when you made mistakes.  Vintage girls cheer you on when you are found success. Vintage girls keep in touch with you no matter how far away you move from them.  

They are the ones who are there for me.

Vintage girls are the ones who will tell you it is okay to be exhausted and feel like you can’t do everything once you’re a mommy.  Vintage girls will tell you not to believe a word from that book about sleep schedules and your happy baby.  Vintage girls will tell you, I’ve been there. Vintage girls will identify with your situation with your toddler and share a relatable story about their preschooler.  Vintage girls will make time for you when you really need it.  Vintage girls will reach out.  Vintage girls have a story about their husbands that make you feel better about living with yours.  Vintage girls will let you cry.  Vintage girls get it.

They are the ones who will be there for me.

When my kids start kindergarten, I know my vintage girls will be the ones to remind me to cherish the memories of their younger years and to embrace the challenges and excitement of the rest of our lives.  When I get a call from a teacher or a coach, I know my vintage girls will stand by me to remind me that we all make mistakes and our kids will work it out for themselves and still be great people.  When my kids go off to college, I know my vintage girls will be there to fill the empty space and time – even if it means an all-expense paid trip to Turks and Caicos.  <wink><wink> When I’m in my retirement years and need a reminder of who I was and who I still want to be, I will turn to my vintage girls.

My vintage girls. The girlfriends I cherish, trust and love with all of my heart.  Drinking a little wine tonight?  Raise a glass to that, sisters!

Following another sleepless night...

Katrina and I became friends.  We actually became writing buddies first and the friendship naturally and effortlessly followed (stay tuned for a post on how it was that we came together).  We began writing Mommies Need Sleep, Too! in March of 2011. 

Now that it is complete, we found ourselves lost in world with no writing.  So voila!   We created this blog to keep up our writing and to share our stories - heartwarming, heartbreaking, hilarious, raw and real - about being a mommy in today's crazy world!  Not only will we be sharing our stories in real time, we encourage you to share yours with us as well!  Let this be a community where we can open up honestly about everything we go through, the good, the bad, and the zany!

Thanks for reading!!!

Leah