The End to an Epic Summer

I've always wondered what it would be like to spend a summer at home with my children.  To not have to bash heads and battle to the end over a week off when all the other mom's children were also out of school. To know that spring breaks, fall breaks, Christmas break...they are all mine with my kiddos.  What a fabulous feeling.  No trying to get it on the calender first, or hoping there's enough coverage at the office.  Just making plans and looking forward to time with my family.  I'm almost still not sure it's really real.

By the time I figured out I should enjoy myself, I truly to not have to go back to the hustle and bustle of my previous life, summer was fading away. We finally have figured out somewhat of a schedule (schedule, ha! we hang out in our pj's somedays till noon!), and it's time to change again.  Going to bed early, getting up earlier, taking Callie to school.  Getting Clayton in a schedule of being home without his sister.  Gymnastics. Sports.  Life.  And I'm sure just as I figure out how to handle that, it will be winter break, or summer again before we know it.  Life flies by, and if you aren't paying attention...you won't catch all the unforgettable moments.

As we school shop and prepare for this next phase, everyone is excited.  Callie is happy about meeting new friends and just school in general.  I'm excited about having time with Clayton by myself; just mommy and son time, and seeing Callie in her element - a social setting..  Shannon's excited to see Callie learn and thrive as we're sure she'll do in school.  However, intertwined with this excitement is a bit of sadness.  I'm a bit reluctant to let go of this summer.  Of the first phase of this new life I've begun.  The excitement and dreams about a new future for me.  The endless moments with my kids swimming, hiking, fishing, or just hanging out. Spending time with the best of friends and neighbors.  The end of our new beginning.  I know beautiful and amazing times are in our future, but this is one epic summer I'm going to hold on to, forever.  I thank God I had the opportunity! ~Trina

Enjoying The Beautiful Things in Life

It's funny how much working 40 hours changes a person.  At least, me.  I had two very special days off a week, in which I was exceptionally choosy about how I spent them.  Whether it be just sitting around the house in my sweats because I never got to do it, or spending time with only my closest friends.

Now, I have time on my hands.  Yes, it's crazy and hectic with two young kids...but there's time.  I excitedly make plans, or try to, for four of five days of the week.  We've seen the fish hatchery, rifle falls, the little sprinkler water park, a hike or two.  We go to the library each week and get new books for the kids, and in a week they start swim lessons.  The beginning of August, hopefully Callie will start gymnastics, she's so competitive and great at things like that - and rather than dread having one more thing to do, I'm excited.  We have the time now.

Each outing isn't a rushed event, it's one done at leisure.  Yesterday I spent time with two neighbors and friends and their kids at the water park, and enjoyed the sunshine (and shade) chatting and watching our children have a great time.  Before we knew it, the morning was gone, and it was time to come home and make lunch.  During my "working" days, a day like that would have been a stretch.  There would have been housework and a laundry list of items to do.  I would have been rushed, and likely - not even able to really fully enjoy the day, knowing I had to make the most of each hour.  Instead, we were making plans for our next get-together.

I hear "aren't you supposed to be writing" a whole lot, mostly from people who work.  Of course they are joking, and it does make me laugh because all my pictures on Facebook are of me and the kids doing some fun activity and it looks like all pleasure.  And to be honest? It is.  I get up and write in the a.m.  I write at naptime most days.  I sometimes write in the evening if I can - there's no longer guilt because I spend all day with them. I can work a quarter of the time and do something I completely love...while also enjoying life rather than seeing the hours pass by swiftly on a time clock.

Everyone's different, and many people have to work so they make the best of their time and many people are wired differently then me and can totally appreciate their two days off and let things go they can't do and move on Monday a.m.  That's just not me though.  So, for now I'll be thankful I have this opportunity, pray I continue to see the little successes i'm seeing along the way...and enjoy the beautiful things in life. ~Trina

Guilt Will Always Be There-Let Love Triumph!

“Stay at home or work.  It really doesn’t matter what you do…you’ll find a way to feel guilty about something either way. You just have to do what feels right to you and what works best for your family,” explains a very wise and dear friend of mine.  As we chat on the phone, I am staring out at the Space Needle from my luxurious, very quiet (aaah, I remember quiet) hotel room rubbing my almost-eight-months-pregnant belly. 

At the time, I wanted nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom.  It had been my dream, even after ten years of exciting business trips and extravagant meals at the best restaurants across the country.  But there didn’t seem to be a practical way to make it work with one salary and two mortgages (we were living in Maryland and still owned our home in South Carolina).  Yet, it made me feel better simply by hearing my old friend, a college sorority sister who I’ve always respected and seems to do motherhood seamlessly as a successful working mom, tell me that all moms feel guilty about something, some of the time. 

Three years later.  I know this to be true.  No matter what you try to do right for your family or your children (or yourself); guilt will sneak its way in.  These are just some of the ways guilty mom syndrome kicks in…

The Working Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever! I’m going to work hard today to teach my kids how successful you can be in life; while also making money so we can have what we need to succeed in life, and hey, even a Disney Vacation or two.

Her guilt: I should be home with my kids doing crafts, flipping through sight words index cards, making them a healthy, home-cooked lunch and kissing them at naptime.

The Stay-At-Home Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever! I’m going to spend so much one-on-one time with my children today and give them love and affection, teach them about the world, and make a craft out of fall leaves and paint.  We’ll run around the house using our imagination, laughing the day away.  I will make them a healthy, home-cooked lunch before I kiss them at naptime.

Her guilt: I don’t have time to cook these kids a healthy, home-cooked lunch…there are toys all over this place, paint all over the table and chairs, and I can’t even get them to sit still for one minute to do our flash cards.  What if I’m playing with them too much and they won’t learn how to play independently?  I feel so guilty for wanting it to be naptime! 

The Work-At-Home Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever!  I’m going to balance playing with my kiddos and working on my business plan.  I’ll take some time to prepare a healthy, home-cooked lunch and snuggle with them before their two-hour nap. After naptime, we’ll

Her guilt: I just spent thirty minutes playing doctor and being locked up in jail.  I painted with them earlier today.  We’re going to the playground after naptime.  Yet I feel bad when I do steal a few minutes to get on my laptop.  Sometimes I can get up to 15 minutes, the rest of the time I feel like I’m neglecting them since I’m not playing with them 24/7.  They’d be happier in preschool, learning and playing with other kids.  The day is ticking by and if I want to get any work done, we’ll have to settle for Spaghetti Os, a cheese stick and green beans.  I guess I can get some work done during naptime and there is always after bedtime.

So there it is moms; guilt in its finest.  You can try to do the right thing and be the best mom ever, but there is always a flip-side of the picture.  You’re either doing too much or too little. 

As Trina and I try to balance our family lives and our working lives with following our dreams to write and build our business, we are faced with guilt in every turn.  In fact, don’t be surprised to see us write about this very subject many times (see Trina’s post: Working Mommies, Let Go of the Guilt). We deal with this every day.  We know that the time, effort and long nights we put into our passion will eventually pay off.  But the guilt is a struggle.

What we have figured out is let the simple, beautiful moments-the ones that really matter-slay the guilt. When your child walks into the room and they can see the sparkle in your eyes that you’re truly happy to see them; with each meal shared with them; the attention you give them when they’re holding that invisible microphone and shaking their groove thing for their favorite audience; when they can feel your love as you hold them tight at night reading them their last bedtime story; with each kiss and I love you whispered in their ear.

Guilt will always be there…let love triumph!

How have you experienced guilt as a mommy?  Please share...knowing other moms feel this way can make us all feel just that much better!

Magnetic Legs - The Ever-Clingy Toddler

My boys have left me on the couch to play with a truck or dunk a basketball.  I see my “out” and sneak four feet away to the computer which sits on our breakfast bar; I stand and type away.  Most of the time, not even 60 seconds goes by and my youngest toddler is poking me.  “Up, Mama!” 

   I give in and pick him up, thinking I can hold him on my hip like he were still 10 months old and he’ll be content.  No.  He wants to type or rather, bang on the keyboard.  Or press a button.  Or reach… reach for my Cherry Coke Zero.  Or feed the fish.  So down he goes, and runs off to chase his older brother.  I try to refocus on the task at hand.  Was I checking my bank statement or writing a post on Facebook?  I have seven open windows on my laptop and this is typical. 

   I feel a pinch on my butt.  He’s back.  Of course I can’t ever get anything done!  So I participate in a new trick that occupies him for a good two minutes.  I lift my right leg up in some sort of ballet pose and rest it on the arm of our toddlerized couch.  This allows my left leg to act as a pole upon which my little boy holds onto and circles around and around and around, thoroughly entertained.  Alright!  I finished an e-mail.  Score!  His older brother sees this fun from across the room and joins in. Before it ends with the two knocking heads, I’ve balanced my budget.  I’m excited I’m taking care of biz-niss!  This is the longest stretch of time I’ve had since last night when they went to bed. 

   My two-and-a-half year old is now tugging at my pants, the drawstring coming loose and the waist band is way past my behind. 

   My son laughs. “I see your bootie!”

   I pull them up and corral them into the living room for some dancing.  With Madonna or the Black Eyed Peas on the TV, we have fun, twirling and laughing.  They soon get distracted and move on to their Jeep.  I’m quick to take advantage and jump up to get some writing done. 

   As though my legs are some sort of magnetic force that neither of them can stay away from for too long, my oldest decides to use his latest technique to get my attention as he rams his whole body into my leg and pushes me like I’m a tackling sled on some football field (if this is the sport he ends up excelling in, I’ll retract my annoyance with it).  I hold onto the counter top with one hand, while I continue to use the mouse with my right.  I’m leaning in what I’m sure is some great yoga pose, before hearing him tell me he did something sweet to his brother and thus deserves candy as a treat – I made the mistake of giving him some M&Ms one day when I saw him unexpectedly share a toy with his little bro.  Since then, he’ll do something sweet and then come to me for his prize.  I look down at him and say, “I think what you did was really awesome, but you’re not going to get candy this time.”

    “No!” he shouts at me in the deepest voice he can muster at two-and-a-half.  He stomps off. 

   Just as I’m about to finish typing my sentence, my little man is right below me, both arms wrapped around my knee, “Jooss,” he says with adorable, needy eyes.  I decide to call it a day (at least until naptime) and grab his juice and join him and his brother in the living room for some snuggling and cartoons.

   This back and forth is what I used to do.  I finally figured out the best balance is when I focus on them for an extended period of time, then move on to my projects.  This gives me the chance to provide them with undivided attention and by the time we’re through, they are ready to play with just one another or at least on their own.