Enjoying The Beautiful Things in Life

It's funny how much working 40 hours changes a person.  At least, me.  I had two very special days off a week, in which I was exceptionally choosy about how I spent them.  Whether it be just sitting around the house in my sweats because I never got to do it, or spending time with only my closest friends.

Now, I have time on my hands.  Yes, it's crazy and hectic with two young kids...but there's time.  I excitedly make plans, or try to, for four of five days of the week.  We've seen the fish hatchery, rifle falls, the little sprinkler water park, a hike or two.  We go to the library each week and get new books for the kids, and in a week they start swim lessons.  The beginning of August, hopefully Callie will start gymnastics, she's so competitive and great at things like that - and rather than dread having one more thing to do, I'm excited.  We have the time now.

Each outing isn't a rushed event, it's one done at leisure.  Yesterday I spent time with two neighbors and friends and their kids at the water park, and enjoyed the sunshine (and shade) chatting and watching our children have a great time.  Before we knew it, the morning was gone, and it was time to come home and make lunch.  During my "working" days, a day like that would have been a stretch.  There would have been housework and a laundry list of items to do.  I would have been rushed, and likely - not even able to really fully enjoy the day, knowing I had to make the most of each hour.  Instead, we were making plans for our next get-together.

I hear "aren't you supposed to be writing" a whole lot, mostly from people who work.  Of course they are joking, and it does make me laugh because all my pictures on Facebook are of me and the kids doing some fun activity and it looks like all pleasure.  And to be honest? It is.  I get up and write in the a.m.  I write at naptime most days.  I sometimes write in the evening if I can - there's no longer guilt because I spend all day with them. I can work a quarter of the time and do something I completely love...while also enjoying life rather than seeing the hours pass by swiftly on a time clock.

Everyone's different, and many people have to work so they make the best of their time and many people are wired differently then me and can totally appreciate their two days off and let things go they can't do and move on Monday a.m.  That's just not me though.  So, for now I'll be thankful I have this opportunity, pray I continue to see the little successes i'm seeing along the way...and enjoy the beautiful things in life. ~Trina

My Guilty Pleasure: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I’m often asked by people; why on earth would you watch such a dumb show?  A bunch of dumb rich women who fight and drink and shop all the time, with no worries.  Oh I assure you, these are normally people who haven’t watched a full episode!  First of all, only one or two of the housewives are dumb…and actually a few of them are quite successful women on their own.  Housewives is a deceiving name for the show, because truly many of the women could survive (and some of them do) without husbands at all.

Friends also want to know why, when I work with an office full of women and drama all day, five days a week, I’d want to watch a show full of drama as well.  It’s hard to explain, but when I spend all day interpreting policy forms, reading insurance verbiage, explaining to coverage to clients…etc …why would I want to watch a murder mystery show, or anything else that would require my brain to function properly?  No thank you!    I’ll take meaningless drama and fun fashion ideas any day.  Plus, watching successful women inspires me, even if their successes aren’t necessarily ones I would wish for.

There’s one woman, Adrienne, who absolutely amazes me.  She is extremely wealthy, owning several businesses with her brothers and even owning a basketball team.  She puts her husband in his place daily; he’s a plastic surgeon and also doing very well...however this is no traditional marriage.  She has a chef because she doesn’t like to cook—and isn’t even a slight bit apologetic for it.  Hey, she can afford it!  She takes martial arts classes, and could probably beat up most guy’s I know.  Yet she’s a dainty little thing that is often wearing cocktail dresses and has her own high heel line. 

So, needless to say, I’m going to stay tuned in; even if I can’t relate to having millions of dollars sitting in the bank or having nannies raise my children.  I am still going to enjoy watching catfights in heels, knowing that the drama entailed has nothing to do with my life, and as soon as I turn the TV off, it’s over!  We all have our dumb guilty pleasures…this just happens to be one of mine.  

The Anti-Chicken Fingers Movement - Apple Cinnamon Pork Roast

Tis the season for apples and cinnamon.  Forget the scented candles, the aroma from this dish will dance around your home-almost from the moment you turn on your crockpot.  Here is a link to the original recipe from Stephanie O'Dea's blog.  I made just a few changes...

Apple Cinnamon Pork Roast

2-3 pound pork-loin roast
1 onion, sliced in wedges
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup apple cider or juice (I used juice)
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
3 granny smith apples, chopped (to add later)1 Tablespoon apple cider vinegar (see notes below)*

Directions
Use a 5 quart crockpot. Sprinkle dry spices on all sides of the meat. Put onion wedges into the bottom of your crockpot, and put the meat on top. Add apple juice and lemon juice. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours, or on high for 4-6. The longer you cook it, the more shredded and juicy the meat will become. 20-30 minutes before serving, remove meat from crockpot and let sit on a cutting board. Put chopped apples (no need to peel) into your crockpot. *I would add apple cider vinegar now, too. Stir. Either slice or shred the pork, and add back to the crockpot.  Salt and pepper to taste.

A suggestion from a reader of the original recipe:  took some of the juice (from the crockpot) and combined it with butter, brown sugar, and chopped pecans. Boiled it down in a sauce pan and we added it to each serving.

Buon appetito!

Leah

Guilt Will Always Be There-Let Love Triumph!

“Stay at home or work.  It really doesn’t matter what you do…you’ll find a way to feel guilty about something either way. You just have to do what feels right to you and what works best for your family,” explains a very wise and dear friend of mine.  As we chat on the phone, I am staring out at the Space Needle from my luxurious, very quiet (aaah, I remember quiet) hotel room rubbing my almost-eight-months-pregnant belly. 

At the time, I wanted nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom.  It had been my dream, even after ten years of exciting business trips and extravagant meals at the best restaurants across the country.  But there didn’t seem to be a practical way to make it work with one salary and two mortgages (we were living in Maryland and still owned our home in South Carolina).  Yet, it made me feel better simply by hearing my old friend, a college sorority sister who I’ve always respected and seems to do motherhood seamlessly as a successful working mom, tell me that all moms feel guilty about something, some of the time. 

Three years later.  I know this to be true.  No matter what you try to do right for your family or your children (or yourself); guilt will sneak its way in.  These are just some of the ways guilty mom syndrome kicks in…

The Working Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever! I’m going to work hard today to teach my kids how successful you can be in life; while also making money so we can have what we need to succeed in life, and hey, even a Disney Vacation or two.

Her guilt: I should be home with my kids doing crafts, flipping through sight words index cards, making them a healthy, home-cooked lunch and kissing them at naptime.

The Stay-At-Home Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever! I’m going to spend so much one-on-one time with my children today and give them love and affection, teach them about the world, and make a craft out of fall leaves and paint.  We’ll run around the house using our imagination, laughing the day away.  I will make them a healthy, home-cooked lunch before I kiss them at naptime.

Her guilt: I don’t have time to cook these kids a healthy, home-cooked lunch…there are toys all over this place, paint all over the table and chairs, and I can’t even get them to sit still for one minute to do our flash cards.  What if I’m playing with them too much and they won’t learn how to play independently?  I feel so guilty for wanting it to be naptime! 

The Work-At-Home Mom

Her early morning thoughts: Today, I’m going to be the best mom ever!  I’m going to balance playing with my kiddos and working on my business plan.  I’ll take some time to prepare a healthy, home-cooked lunch and snuggle with them before their two-hour nap. After naptime, we’ll

Her guilt: I just spent thirty minutes playing doctor and being locked up in jail.  I painted with them earlier today.  We’re going to the playground after naptime.  Yet I feel bad when I do steal a few minutes to get on my laptop.  Sometimes I can get up to 15 minutes, the rest of the time I feel like I’m neglecting them since I’m not playing with them 24/7.  They’d be happier in preschool, learning and playing with other kids.  The day is ticking by and if I want to get any work done, we’ll have to settle for Spaghetti Os, a cheese stick and green beans.  I guess I can get some work done during naptime and there is always after bedtime.

So there it is moms; guilt in its finest.  You can try to do the right thing and be the best mom ever, but there is always a flip-side of the picture.  You’re either doing too much or too little. 

As Trina and I try to balance our family lives and our working lives with following our dreams to write and build our business, we are faced with guilt in every turn.  In fact, don’t be surprised to see us write about this very subject many times (see Trina’s post: Working Mommies, Let Go of the Guilt). We deal with this every day.  We know that the time, effort and long nights we put into our passion will eventually pay off.  But the guilt is a struggle.

What we have figured out is let the simple, beautiful moments-the ones that really matter-slay the guilt. When your child walks into the room and they can see the sparkle in your eyes that you’re truly happy to see them; with each meal shared with them; the attention you give them when they’re holding that invisible microphone and shaking their groove thing for their favorite audience; when they can feel your love as you hold them tight at night reading them their last bedtime story; with each kiss and I love you whispered in their ear.

Guilt will always be there…let love triumph!

How have you experienced guilt as a mommy?  Please share...knowing other moms feel this way can make us all feel just that much better!

Working Mommies: It's Time to Let Go of The Guilt!

Why do working moms always feel guilty?  As a working mom myself, I've always felt bad about returning to my job after my daughter was born.  At the time, I didn't have a choice, and when I dropped my three-week-old baby off at daycare that first day, I thought I might die from the heartache.  Those first few months were horrible.  No sleep, no time to myself or for my marriage.  But, I survived.  And with time, I even learned to enjoy life.  I no longer thought about lazy Saturdays, or how it felt to once again eat dinner in peace.  Forty hours at the job- and then every other spare minute living for my family.  That's just how life worked.

The true key is finding a happy-medium that works for you, no matter what that is.  I believe the guilt we feel as working mommas comes mostly from lack of time.  There's only twenty-four hours in a day, and eight of them, we're supposed to be sleeping (ha!).  Then with a career on top of that, we simply can't do it all.  We can't cook, clean, workout, spend time with our spouses, and grocery shop...all the while having and eight-to-five and a needy child or two vying for your attention.  I often wondered how I'd do it all.  For the first few months after my little girl was born, I didn't cook.  Period.   We ate sandwiches or take-out.  I wanted to spend every second with by baby girl, not wasting time over a stove.  That also went for cleaning and everything else, too.

It wasn't long before I got back in the groove, into a schedule that fit my life.  When my son was born, that really added to the equation.  Finding time for everything, plus another child, was tricky.  However once again, the abilities of a mother are amazing; we persevere in times of need.

Here are a few simple tips that have helped me:

1)  A lot of people told me to cook meals on Sundays and then freeze them for a week.  I never liked that idea because Sunday was one of my two days off.  Who wanted to cook all day?  Instead, I searched online and found a wealth of healthy, quick recipes that I could cook in less than thirty minutes.  I'm not saying hamburger helper wasn't a life-saver at times, but I wanted to get into a habit of eating healthy so my kids would do the same.  My favorite thing to make now are casseroles; I cook enough so my husband and I both have a lunch for the next day.  If you follow our blog, you'll have a ton of free, awesome and healthy recipes at your fingertips.

2)   You've got to know your limits.  I've got some friends with two or three kids that work full-time, cook extravagant meals every night, and who up every day to work looking polished and rested.  For me, this is not the case!  If you can find time to do it all and still be sane (I'm not these women are sane!), good for you!  But if you're normal like the rest of us, know that it's okay to have your own limits; there are some things you just can't do.  With my second child, I've found at least thirty minutes to work out, three times a week or so.  With my first child, it just wasn't there.  Am I healthier this time around?  Yes.  Did it kill me to miss out on a year of treadmills and yoga?  No.  You'll be a better mom is you don't over do it.

3)  I need a clean house.  You want to see a crazy lady?  Put some lint on my newly vacuumed carpet and watch me unravel.  I know what you are thinking...two kiddos?  There will be lint, and plenty of it! I've had to really work on accepting the fact that my house will not always be clean, and obsessing over it is wasting precious time.  Ask for help ladies!  Yes, your hubby is just as capable as you are of whipping that vacuum or mop out.  Rather than loathe him every time he walks in from a lazy day of fishing (while you are holding a crying infant, mentally making a checklist of all the things you have left to cram into the day and all the things you hate him for), communicate!  Ask for his help.  My husband always gets frustrated if I don't ask him for and then I give him the silent treatment because I'm pissed off.  One more helpful hint: let him do it his way.  If you try to boss him around and control the situation, he's less likely to help next time.  Yes, you do know how to to laundry better, that's a given.  But practice makes perfect!  Do little bits of anything, every day.  One load of laundry is better than seven on Sunday!  Have the kids help you.  On my days off, it's nice to know that when I'm cooking, or mopping, or cleaning, my four-year-old is right by my side, hindering more than helping, but it's okay!  I feel like it's time well spent.

A wise woman once told me, "You feel guilty no matter what.  You feel guilty when you work, you feel guilty if you stay home.  As a mom, you'll always feel guilty; it's part of life."  Those words stick in my mind whenever I start feeling like I haven't done enough, or that my children have suffered by me working full time. Lets let go of the guilt and just enjoy being a mom, working or not!
~Trina