Give It Up Ladies-No Mom is Perfect!

It's funny, thinking back on the misconceptions I'd had about parenting prior to giving birth to my daughter, Callie.  There were several ideas I'd had in my head about how my life as a parent would go, and actually, many of which were wrong.  By the time I had my son Clayton, I had it all figured out.  Don't judge, don't assume (we all know what happens when you ass-u-me) and definitely don't think you are going to be perfect.  Seriously, you will be eating your words.

   My kids were never going to eat too much sugar.  They were never going to watch SpongeBob.  They would be in bed by 8pm every night and they darn sure wouldn't be sleeping in any bed but their own!  By the time they were one-year-old, they'd be off the bottle, and if they had a pacifier, guess what peeps...that would be gone too.  My kids would never be the ones throwing food at the fancy restaurant, or talking back, or being a brat in public.  We'd spend evenings similar to the Brady Bunch or the Cleavers, eating dinner together and chatting about our day, followed up by a puzzle or some other family-fun, learning-type activity.  Ha!  How ignorant I was!

   Can I give you sound advice from a real-life mommy of two kiddos?  Shut your mouth.  Seriously!! When you want to give unsolicited advice to another parent, or when you think for two seconds you know more than someone else about being a mommy...don't go there.  There's nothing that pisses me off more than a person who a) has no kids or b) has less kids or a younger child than me telling me that Callie or Clayton shouldn't do this, or shouldn't do that.  Unless you are my mom, or I ask for your advice...please keep it to yourself.  I'm not an idiot! I watched other parents and said the same exact things...trust me. And guess what friends, Karma is a real you know what.  It was my kids (both of them) throwing food at the restaurant, or talking back in front of company.  Or going to bed super late after watching SpongeBob.  Both my kiddos have slept in our bed off and on, and I'm just thankful to be able to use the word functional when I describe my family.  We are who we are, and we are far from flawless.

   I love the mother I have become, and I love the children I have made and taught and loved.  However, I know that I was just like all the other moms out there, I wanted to be perfect, I wanted to be the best...I judged others thinking I'd do better.  This race of motherhood isn't a competition of who can finish last with the fastest time on the clock, it's a silent war we must conquer in order to come out whole and sane when we cross that finish line.  It's just getting there that is the true victory.

~Trina

Unreasonable Expectations

How did I picture preschool for my child?  Just like everything else I imagine.  All happy-go-lucky, with roses and sugar-coated cherries on top. 

     Don’t we all picture our children’s lives this way?  Perfect?  We are going to be the best parents, have the smartest children, the greatest home-lives.  And then when reality hits we don’t know what went wrong.

     I dropped Callie off for her first day of preschool with a grin on my face and a tear in my eye.  How did we get here already I wondered?  That afternoon I got a follow-up letter when I picked her up telling me how wonderful my little girl was and how much happiness and enthusiasm she contributed to the group.  A mental check mark in my brain as an early parenting success scored. 

     It wasn’t until mere weeks later I learned that Callie was having a few issues.  Her pretty blonde teacher met me at the door with an optimistic smile on her face that could only mean trouble.  The way she started was classic: “Callie is such an addition to our group; so charming and full of life…but…you should know there are some things we are working on.”

     She proceeded to tell me in a no less bubbly manner that my daughter was having some trouble listening, and had been caught telling a lie as well as stealing.  Yes, a young criminal I had on my hands already. 

     I drove home in tears.  My terrible parenting had surely led to a future drug-abuser, jail-bird, schizophrenic, and possibly even worse.  What was I to do?

     After sifting through my self-pity filled loathing party, my dear friend convinced me that stealing a sea shell and lying by saying she hadn’t hit a boy didn’t deem my daughter a future sociopath or drug dealer.  She was simply like all other typical four-year-olds…she was finding herself and learning about the do’s and don’ts of toddlerhood.  Just because I’d let her watch too many episodes of SpongeBob, and  even Jurassic Park in her dinosaur-loving days…didn’t mean I was a terrible parent.

    I think the dreams we let ourselves strive towards as parents are what sets us up for failure.  When we don’t reach our impossible goals we’ve set for ourselves when raising our little ones-we automatically are plagued by guilt and assume every small failure our children face is that of our own mistakes and parenting mishaps. 

   Let’s stop being so hard on ourselves as mommies.  Callie is beyond smart; to the point it scares me sometimes.  I will do my best to guide her and love her…and know that while neither of us is perfect and we will make mistakes, we are doing our best.  And…the best is simply all we can do! 

*Trina